i just watched the our page mv and now im sobbing. it was for him. seeing each of the boys struggling to go on with their daily lives after what happened, it hit me really hard because i was the same. i couldn’t eat for days, i felt sick to my stomach, i couldn’t focus on anything, and the weight of everything fell down on me. i felt like nothing would ever be the same, how could i go on after this? now that my heart has been ripped out of my chest and my one true inspiration is gone? i felt hopeless and numb. the feeling comes back a lot, sometimes im bawling and sometimes the tears fall without any expression. but every time i sing, i sing for him. every time i feel the weight of existing, i share that pain he had. every time i’m happy, i look to him to say “are you happy, too? i can feel you.” i can always feel him.