True tales from the broken: .
It’s been another hard week. .
Both yesterday and today I left the gym before finishing either workout. .
I’ve been really having a hard time seeing any hope in my story. My energy is very low, my strength has diminished in a matter of a few weeks and I feel like I am the worst I have ever been mentally. .
Today after leaving the gym after doing only half of 2 exercises i fell apart on my mom on the phone for an hour.
Eventually she had to go to work so I went home. Home is a bad place for me to be right now.
It doesn’t calm me down it only depresses me further. .
So when I got there I just sulked in every distraction I could. Netflix, my phone, instagram, and just general shit decisions.
I am so embarrassed to even admit it but this has been my pattern for a few weeks now. I knew I didn’t want to do it AGAIN today but it happened. Depression is winning.
Upon the instant regret I felt for not moving really at all today and eating shit I had no business eating I panicked and shoved my fingers down my throat out of pure shame and desperation. .
Today there was no gag reflex so nothing happened, just more tears and a puddle of the lowest jamie I have ever been but the action was there and that’s just not ok. .
Conversations like these are (ironically) hard to swallow but it’s important to keep talking about. .
So many of us are quietly shackled to demons none of us deserve to be. .
Stop avoiding your bad guys and face them. .
If you can’t talk about it, I will. I really don’t give a fuck lol. .
I don’t care how you slice it, engaging in unhealthy reckless behavior is never a solution. Its is a coping mechanism for something bigger that is weighing on you, that wants and needs your attention you aren’t giving to it. .
Own your shit. This is me owning my shit. Now the fixing myself part is where I’m lost .. hopefully in time this will all pan out. #alwaysbelieve