Helen has died (literally a couple times) a million times over. I was reborn with another million mindsets and goals. I searched and lived the most intense, gratifying, scary, prejudicial, beautiful pieces. Every time I started over I thought “This is the final new beginning”. I was wrong. It happened again. But this time... I won’t die ever again. Not until there’s a brain, a hand and a will.
This time is so different in so many ways.... health wise... I learned what put me in dire situations multiple times. I have a diagnosis. “APS”. Not thrilled but absolutely relieved - I understand now how I was constantly starting over after being burned out (body and mind). Mind wise... EMDR has changed my life. I am free of 90% of everything, more than 5 mental illness labels. Life wise... I got rid of 3 decades of toxicity. It was the hardest yet most rewarding move I ever went for. I am free now. Completely, utterly, scarily free. I had no idea “abuse” could disguise in such ways...
Love wise... I didn’t believe in love. I scrolled down my posts and read the words I remember crying about “love is dead”. Ohhh what a fool... I love. Like I didn’t believe it to be possible.
Everything that could change, changed. Not “one more time”, “one last time”. There are many changes to come but each step of them are beautiful, dreams coming true. I am sure my work will be different... I hope you stick around because after all the waves I no longer roam needlessly towards empty experiences. It’ll all be different, for better and for once. That is it. Thank you for sticking around so far, Love H x
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