So I’d never seen that photo on the left before...I came across it on a friends page when I was digging for a before photo (there are very few). I am having mixed feelings on whether or not I wish I hadn’t stumbled on this one. I literally had to do a double take. I didn’t recognize MYSELF.
I don’t know if I can explain it properly (in fact I know I can’t) but somehow I simultaneously never felt like I was that person and yet always felt like I was that person. Even when I was thin to an unhealthy degree I saw a much larger person in the mirror. Then when the tables turned and I was the larger person that my dysmorphic brain always thought I was, I don’t know if I realized how bad it had actually gotten. You know when you close your eyes and picture yourself, and you have this image that can sometimes be completely different than what your eyes see in the mirror? Over the course of this journey, with every pound I lost and every positive thing I gained, I’ve gotten one step closer to being that person. I feel more like me than I ever have in my entire life. More than when I was 90 pounds with bones that stuck out in places they shouldn’t stick out, and way more than the 255+ pound person you see in that picture there. What’s made the difference is that now I realize it was probably never about weight. No matter which way the scale tipped I always felt the same. But not now. Now the fog is slowly lifting. I struggle EVERY DAY with body image, but I’m finally starting to figure out who Ashley is, and more importantly that my body doesn’t get to define what that means.
So on this #facetofacefriday I hope everyone can take a little time to close your eyes, think about who you are at your core, and tell that person that you love them NOW, and that no number on the scale should keep them hidden. Who you are is about how you treat people, how you allow people to treat you. It’s about what you love, and the many things you are good at. Who you are has never been and will never be about your weight. Figuring that out can be a very freeing thing! Happy Friday, friends!
#beforeandafter #beforeandafterweightloss #thenandnow #weightlosstransformation #transformation