Five millionth update here..... so as it seems to be the case for me - my plans changed again. I am so frustrated with how the treatment world runs. It sucks to finally commit to receiving help and recovery, then to be turned away because you are to ,have been difficult in past, are have had a SI attempt way back. It doesn’t seem to make a difference if you are actually trying and have the proof of having things done differently. I won’t go into details because I don’t want to put down any specific programs but it just sucks, to have been burned from so many places. It’s the worst knowing that it’s my fault since I was difficult, and did do crazy things, and scared the shit out of people. I just wish the world could try and slowly move on with me.
As of tmrw I will be back at Klarman. The plan they are enforcing will not changed. They said they will not accommodate anything their program does not offer. Which I understand completely, it’s the program structure, not the people. It just sucks because I know what help I need and no one seems able to provide it, yet I am not allowed to discharge (legal rights still null) . I will try my best because if I can’t complete the plan 100% I get sent to the hospital and court ordered there. I am terrified yet sort of numb. I hope my motivation will be enough to change what I have not been able to in 8+ years.
On the plus side - my friend came to visit @madeleine_guettler and it’s really helping me make it through the night! I am off one to one, but on 5 mom checks which are #annoyingaf but just one more night!! Be well!!!! #newbeginnings #edsucks#treatmentsucks #anrecovery#onestepatatime #progressisprogress #restarts#edtreatment#resetbutton#mybesteffort#onefootforward #friendship