I wanted to make this post because I want to maintain full transparency on this page and I feel like I haven’t been doing a very good job of that this past week. As much as I tried to deny it and push it away, my last weigh-in put me in a very dark, negative place mentally.
I started doubting myself, my progress, and this entire #ketojourney. I began turning to old, very toxic patterns of self criticism and being extremely hard on myself. Anytime I’d look in the mirror I’d start to see a pool of flaws, imperfections, excess body fat, etc. and it wasn’t long before I felt like I was drowning in it. I started to get crushed under the weight of failure, not being good enough, and helplessness. •
I think what really pushed me over the edge was something I promised myself I wouldn’t do- put a timeline on my #weightloss . I’ve been guilty of doing this countless times in the past and it has single handedly been a detrimental factor in my progress. I told myself I was going to get to my second goal weight by the end of this month and that kind of stress took a negative toll on my body and ceased my entire progress. I haven’t binged or cheated, but the scale stopped moving entirely. I’ve been obsessively checking it every day, which has brought my anxiety to an all time high and my self worth to an all time low. I began to compare this journey and my progress to others. I was seeing so many of my followers’ weigh-ins and incredible weight loss accomplishments and began to belittle my own. I started frantically questioning why my numbers weren’t as big and quick to drop as others. I’ve been exercising more, restricting my caloric intake, fasting more frequently (and some days unsuccessfully) and drinking a gallon of water a day, something I havent done at all since starting #keto . And all of this to no avail. This kind of behavior has been extremely alarming to me due to my history of obsessive calorie counting and exercise bulimia.
I felt like such a hypocrite for posting an #nsv a few days ago because I spent that entire day tearing myself apart for not seeing better progress. But I felt like it was (cont’d in comments)