THIS COULD BE MY LAST DAY ALIVE AND IT’S KILLING ME...
Truth is I wrote out this post once already and scrapped it because when reading it over I saw something. I went from having a blast of a weekend to hitting the hardest brick wall I’ve ever hit mentally and physically. I felt so weak it hurt to hold my phone up, I lost all colour in my face, my mind and vision was blurry, I slept for 12 hours straight in the most comatose style sleep I’ve ever experienced. All because of anxiety & stress. Both of which I didn’t even feel I had at the time. I genuinely didn’t feel stressed about anything or anxious about my weeks ahead. I’ve been more focused and driven than ever... and yet... my body knew more than I wanted to recognize. I never stop.
I think I’ve fallen into a trap and have heard all the sayings that revolve around the idea “we only live once”, “live every day like it’s your last”, “you’ll never live this moment again” etc etc a few too many times and taken it too far. If I keep listening to them it’ll kill me.
I act as though I’m going to die tomorrow. I forget that I’m going to be running well into my later years, I will be able to paint until I am old and grey, my back isn’t close to giving out on me golf wise, I will always find a way to be active. Yes, I might die tomorrow but I shouldn’t live life expecting the worst and killing myself to fit everything into every single day on its own.
We’ve been told too many times that our 20’s are our most prime years that it’s made me question every day that passes if this is where I should be heading with my life. But honestly? No one fucking knows. That’s the whole point. So, time for me to spend this weekend making a SHORT list of things that matter most & building my life around those core values. Time to stop building my life by attaching any idea that sounds interesting to my list that makes me feel like I’m accomplishing nothing with each item added.