Look, I'm not going to lie. Everyday, I try to remind myself "Breathe." It will be ok.... The spilled milk in the back seat of my car will only smell like a rotten corpse for 3 weeks...It will someday go away.. (lol) The screaming and yelling will only pierce my ears for a few more years... My hair will only fall out of my head till... well... till never, at this rate ... I'll be bald soon... lol looking for sox, shoes, phones, keys, wallets, belts, and that one tiny little Halo man before I leave the house will someday be remembered by at least 4 boys. (I hope... sike, no they won't) and forget that I have smeared mascara all over my face and I am late to an appointment.. It's only a matter of time that I will be able to put my face on at home... and not in the parking lot of my destination... Lately the most popular phrase in my head sounds a little something like this ( FU#%! Aguuh Sorry, Lord I shouldn't have said that) lol (just being honest) The other day this lady looked at me and said the popular words of a mature mother to another mother that looked in distress "They will only be little for a little while"
I beat myself up a lot lately... especially at night when all these men are asleep... Did I do enough? Did I say enough? Was I there enough? am "I" enough? I have come to the conclusion that "No, I am not enough." No I didn't handle that situation with Grace, nope, I didn't have enough room in my head for one more question or one more need from the line up... BUT IF I WOULD HAVE JUST LEANED ON MY GOD!!!! I would have.... If I would have taken 5 minutes mid-day to run in a room, take a knee and just said "Lord, I need you." It would have all been ok! These doubt's would have not snuck in... These thoughts of failure would have not taken up space within me.... A supernatural strength is something that is much needed when 5 humans depend on you for everything, My Prayer for you, is that you may be able to take a knee and cry out to Him... He is waiting for you, just like He is waiting for me. XOXO - Eileen