In my musings and meditations this morning, what came up for me was why couldn’t I have been on this path earlier in life? Why am I just now, in my mid 40s,feeling the depth and the breadth of who I am? And what I am here to do?
The answer that came up for me was I needed to go through some experiences first to bring me to this point. My life would not have been as rich or my message as meaningful without the perspective and purpose behind it. My words would be empty, they would have no soul within them. I was always a writer, from a young age on, but in my youth and young adult years, it was all fantasy and dreams and fairy tales. Now it is my desires, my visions, my experiences--all things that come from a space of real life--that I write.
When I read, or write, something, I need to feel the soul, the passion, the depth behind it. Let me say that again...I need to feel it. Fiction can do this for me too...there is always some truth in fiction just as there is always some fiction in truth.
In my youth, I did not view my writing as a gift. I hid it away in journals and diaries. I suppressed the wonders and fantasies in my mind because it did not fit within the beliefs what a girl should or should not be doing. Another way my voice was silenced. There came the time when my writings were discovered, albeit clandestinely, only to be ridiculed and paraded in humiliation, by someone that I trusted to protect and cherish my young self; for the words contained in them were something so personal and so sacred to me. This became another wound on my soul.
Writing has become a way I alchemize these feelings... by turning them into writings that help me heal, and may help others too. I absolutely cannot be without my sacred tools that help me express, and further uncover, who I am. And everyone has their own sacred tools. For some it’s spoken word, for some it’s painting, for some it’s poetry, for some it’s ceramics and glass, and so many others I could name. We each put a part of ourselves into the works we create and release into the world. We are the ones who put meaning into all we do. That, in itself, is healing. That, in itself, is sacred. **Continued below**