Dear my rapist,
Today is the day I decide I no longer live in fear. I am posting my favorite photo that i feel beautiful and free in. I will no longer sit in silence & let you or societal norms control my voice. I will speak out not only for myself but for the ones who aren’t able to speak from the revictimization of society, fear from their perpetrator, or how people will treat you. I got your back victims!! I am a rape survivor of 5 years this month!!! Yet, I don’t consider myself a survivor because my assault does not compare to others who are sold into sex slavery or kidnapped & raped. Although, you still raped me and rape is rape. I was unconscious. I couldn’t fight back or say no or anything. I thought you were someone I could trust, that you would never hurt me. You took advantage of me & used me for your own sexual gain.
After that night, I spent a lot of nights questioning if my body is still mine? Was this my fault? Can I learn to trust again? Will someone love me again? My biggest fear that has stood in my way of living my life fully & completing my healing process is the thought of losing friends, respect, or being like by others. Will people view me as damaged goods? Will I be labeled as an outsider or have this filter people now see me in? Filter that labels me as a rape victim & people should stay clear of? I tried to take my life after you assaulted me. Did you know or care? It is beyond a selfish act, it is letting you control me & my body for a second time. The amount of pain you put me & my family through is something I have had a hard time forgiving you for. But I am here to tell you now (indirectly), that I forgive you. Throughout my healing process and spiritual ways guided by buddhism, I spent endless time learning how to heal, cope, trust & love again as well as knowing that there IS light at the end of the tunnel. I forgive you because this is part of my healing process of being set free. I no longer hold anything to it - not one ounce of negativity, energy, time, being held back or sleepless nights. I will no longer let your assault control my life. I am strong, free, and truly living my life to the best/fullest.