Believe it or not, I’m really intimidated by public transportation, mostly because I’m not used to it. During my time in NYC, it’s been my biggest struggle. The same was true when I lived in Paris for a year.
Having grown up in Michigan, and having spent the bulk of my time after in Arizona and California, I’m used to having a car at my disposal, driving everywhere, and being able to get up and go whenever I please.
I’ve found that this ability to be mobile, on demand, is something that I’m really attached to, because it’s a crutch I lean on to get past some of my underlying issues. ♀️
I carry around a fair amount of social anxiety with me at all times, and it’s compounded when I find myself in large crowds, where I don’t have any personal space. Combine that with my hatred of waiting idly, and my tendency toward procrastination of things that make me uncomfortable, and you’ll find me waiting until the last minute to leave home if I know the journey ahead will involve the subway. Plus, what if I get on the wrong train, lose my ticket, or have some other mishap happen that I don’t even know to worry about yet?
In NYC, avoiding the subway is both costly (holy UBER bills!) and timely (holy rush hour!). I want to save money and stop being 20 minutes late (on the low end ) wherever I go, but to do so, I will have to overcome my fear of public transportation, which really means overcoming the issues that riding the subway shines a light on.
It means that I’ll have to get comfortable with being closely surrounded by lots of people. It means I’ll have to plan ahead. It means I’ll have to stop procrastinating. It means I’ll have to be respectful of others time.
Sometimes the things that make us want to run away, are actually the things we should be running towards. I’ve been wanting to overcome these issues of mine for awhile, but who knew it would be my nemesis, the subway, that would finally inspire me to actually start trying. ♀️
Now that you know about my fears (irrational, I know, but oh well) surrounding riding on the subway, maybe you’ll understand why I look SO happy to be alone in this train car.
Hanging around in @aloyoga
New York, New York