THE REALITY OF HEALING | Remember when I compared the healing process to peeling an onion that’s never ending? I’ve been peeling off these tough layers. The layers I’ve dissociated from for many years. The pain from attachment. Allll of the feels.
It seems to especially hit me in the evenings, before bedtime, when I have more spare to be with myself. Sometimes, the pain and intensity of all of the emotions feels as if it could break me. Or like I’m having some sort of mid life crisis (apparently that’s not quite possible though, just yet🤣). It can feel so tiring and overwhelming to feel so much, and still trying to be so present for it all and myself.
Sometimes, some gratitude can even sneak in, to remind me of the times that I was NUMB. Those times when I felt nothing. And actually, how much worse that ‘felt’. To feel so much, oh what a blessing it really is - I remind myself as I uncontrollably sob to myself🙏🏻. . I can talk and talk about how important it is to ALLOW ourselves TO FEEL. But, actually doing that is what’s really important.
And I’m sharing this as a reminder to myself to not close off from all those feelings that are coming up for me. And whatever feels are coming up for you, it is okay to feel them. And release them (through crying, journaling, talking to someone, dancing/singing it all out). I know, how much worse it is when I dissociate myself from feels. Eventually they do show up, and I don’t just have to deal with the dissociation but with even more of intense feels that accumulated.
So, I’m here, showing up. Feeling ALLL the feels. Embracing not always being okay.
Just wanted to slide onto your news feed to remind you that not everything you see on here (or any other social media) is real.
This time of the year is when the diet culture is louder than ever. It is EVERYWHERE I look. Ah, what a better target audience than self conscious people, who want to lose weight, especially after Christmas - it’s like saying you wanna hate yourself more? Well, the diet culture has that sorted for ya! With the false advertising, the awful (usually photoshopped or posed👆🏻) before/after photos is there to mess with our heads.
Self love doesn’t sell as well as self hate does. The society we live in still has a long way to go to stop making self hate seem so ‘normal’. But, I just wanted to remind you to be more mindful of the things you see on social media and that you are already ENOUGH, exactly as you are! • With that I’m always aiming Self Love/Care to be so much more normalised and made more of a priority for each one of us. And, I want to help as many people as I can with that. So, I decided to do a little giveaway - I’m giving 5 Self Love & Mindset sessions away!! There will be 5 winners and each person will get one free 40 minutes video or call session with me (that will have to be used throughout January or February). To enter this giveaway: 1. You must like this photo and follow me @kay_ska 2. Tag a friend in the comments (for extra chances to win; tag more friends in separate comments) 3. Share this post on your story + tag me in it.
I will randomly choose 5 winners on the 15th January.☺️🙏🏻 ❤️🧡💛💚💙💜
Posing with my best friend vs posing by myself😅✨🤷🏻♀️. • This holiday season I made a little promise to myself to EXPECT LESS and APPRECIATE MORE.
I realised for me holidays have been mostly build on expectations. Expecting and putting pressure on that day/few days (including New Year) which always left me feeling so anxious and depleted by these holidays. Expecting to feel great, expecting for everything to be ‘perfect’, the ‘perfect’ photos, outfits, foods. Even when I thought I didn’t expect anything from these holidays, I still was not able to appreciate anything either. . So, actually working on appreciating more has put me in complete different mindset this year☺️🙏🏻. . I’m appreciating all the cheesy Hallmark movies that I’ve watched this year and that somehow have helped me to get more into the Christmas spirit than I’ve been in in years. I’m appreciating how far I’ve come this year. I’m appreciating the people I get to spend these holidays with. I’m appreciating that I’ve learned not to take myself too seriously and for having this amazing platform that I can just be myself on. . I would love to hear what are you APPRECIATING this holiday season?😊🎄✨ . And if you celebrate Christmas I hope you’re having a lovely holiday! And if this is more challenging time of the year for you, please make sure you’re taking extra good care of yourself. So much love to you lovelies😘🙏🏻✨ ❤️🧡💛💚💙💜
Never did I imagine I could’ve been THIS EXCITED about such a huge stalk of celery! • I haven’t spoken much about physcial health on here. For most of it because I never classified myself as someone who really struggled with it, or not struggled ‘bad enough’ with it.
But, I know that our physical health can be affected by our mental health and the other way round & it’s also not enough to just look after our physcial health without addressing our mental health. • Through reading @medicalmedium books I have discovered that I’ve actually been struggling with more physical issues that I was aware of like EBV, adrenal issues, streptococcus & some things that I was already aware of that have made more sense to me now like eczema, PMS, acne, heart palpitations, IBS & chemical and food sensitivities. • Honestly, I always knew that my food choices could’ve been much better for healing those things. But, I was just enjoying my non eating disorder mindset, being able to eat anything I like without feeling guilty/shame or restricting. Eventually I started to become more aware of how the food actually made me feel, is it fuelling my mind and body? & honestly, mostly it was not. Not only have I started to struggle with more skin issues. For majority of the time I’d look like I was at least 4 months pregnant. I’ve been able to accept that that’s what my body does, it bloats and I don’t hate it or try to sweat it out. But, it is far from comfortable!! Often times would leave me with heartburn & feeling extra lethargic.
I realised that no amount of self love or self acceptance will stop this constant inflammation if I don’t actually address my gut/liver/physcial health. • After having alll of those realisation+a family member health scare, I am now more excited than ever about looking after my physcial health, learning about nutritions and healing foods.
Starting of with celery juice every morning. Which I very gradually introduced to my morning routine. I was already able to see the positive difference it made to my digestive system within a week! & now, my acid reflux is COMPLETELY GONE!! • We have more power than we realise to heal our minds and body!🙏🏻💖
#ad I am excited to have partnered with the BBC to promote their new teen-drama series.
The show deals with many different issues that young adults face on a daily basis, and some of the issues that I have personally faced while growing up.
I’ve loved watching The A list series and quickly got really into it, which left me eager to watch the next episodes! • Have you already seen the show, or are watching it (link to the series in my highlights)? I’d love to know your thoughts about it☺️ #TheAList @thealistofficial
How is your inner child feeling lately?🌻✨ • My inner child has honestly been feeling quite left out, scared and generally not so good. I recently realised just how much some triggers that I experience now are actually attached to how I experienced things as a kiddo. In those times the fight or flight response would make me feel as if I want to run away, hide or disappear - I realised that could be what my inner child is actually feeling and what I was feeling as a kid who experienced traumas. • I’ve also noticed myself running more stressed out, in the constant rush - leaving me feeling more depressed and overwhelmed, and my inner child crying out for some time out! • This is something I’ve been a lot more mindful of recently and trying to implement more things to heal that part of me.
PLAYTIME. Taking some time off from the adult responsibilities and more time for laughter, more lightheartedness and silliness! - which always leaves me feeling soooo much better (even when I don’t have ‘time’ for it😝, it’s worth it). Even if that’s just watching some funny videos on YouTube, more playtime with Millie, laughing at myself more, dancing, singing or getting more creative! • What is your inner child craving?🧁✨ ❤️🧡💛💚💙💜
I’ve got a confession to make, sometimes being on this platform makes me feel exactly like this👆🏻🥴. • This account grew a lot faster than I ever anticipated. And to be honest with ya all, I never expected to share so much of my story with so manyyy people.
I specifically made a blog (@mh_stories_ ) for other people to share theirs, where I could share little bits and bops of my story, but never feel like I have to fully expose my vulnerabilities. That’s the kind of thing I very slowly started doing on this Instagram. When I started to write more on here I didn’t expect anyone to read it. I wrote purely out of enjoyment and wanting to keep a bit of visual journal of my healing journey. I never expected thousands of people actually following it😳. • Recently, I’ve found myself judging myself, my writing and my content so much more than ever before. Is it good enough? Is it helpful enough? Or wondering why I even started sharing my own journey in the first place!? And even comparing it to others - yup, went down that rabbit hole😬🙈. . The healing process has sooo many layers and right now it feels like I’m peeling an onion that’s never ending. Layer, after a layer and sometimes I don’t want to share any of that.
The vulnerable posts I put on here take a lot out of me, they are extremely therapeutic of course, but sometimes I want to talk about unicorns and cats and how we can stop global warming from happening, instead of feeling my own feels and expressing them.
And I don’t always have the perfect answers or quick solutions. This might not be the most helpful post out there. And I’m never going to be able to please EVERYONE and I’m trying to be okay with that.
It can be incredibly scary to put yourself out there - it still is scary for me! I guess that just makes me a human. Not a perfect one. But, still good enough one. Just doing my best.🙏🏻 ❤️🧡💛💚💙💜
I took this picture on my break between the sessions, what a spectacular sky show Mature Nature blesses us with🥰! I’ve been reflecting on this past year and how far I’ve come, how every single challenge always turned out to be a beautiful blessing in disguise.
I am so incredibly grateful for being able to connect with so many beautiful souls around the world and help them to find their own inner strength. It’s the BEST ‘job’ I could’ve ever asked for!🙏🏻 • Have you had a chance to acknowledge the things or people you are grateful for today? . Did you know that fear and gratitude cannot coexist? The vibrations of gratitude are much higher, therefore can overpower negative emotions. By practising gratitude every single day, making it a habit, eventually the FEELING of gratitude will follow. You will notice you don’t just talk about things that you are grateful for, you FEEEEL them deep within YOUrself😊. . What are you grateful for right now?✨ & tag someone that you are grateful for below😊👇🏻 (I’ve tagged some of my fave peeps on this photo🥰) ❤️🧡💛💚💙💜
Why is it okay TO NOT BE okay? • All of my personal changes in life always came from periods of really not being okay - sometimes, we need those lower times to reflect and maybe even to help us to redirect our lives. • Every single challenge that life throws at me is always teaching me something. It is in those uncomfortable moments that I grow the most. I reflect more. What is this trying to teach me? Does this situation/person needs more of my attention/love/kindness? Do I need any of those things? • We get so used to dissociating from our bodies and minds that we often don’t hear the subtle signs it gives us. Until, they reallly scream to get our attention. • What is anxiety teaching you? What are your panic attacks saying? What is your body trying to COMMUNICATE with you? • Pause. Breathe and LISTEN🙏🏻 ❤️🧡💛💚💙💜
I have dealt with stomach issues almost as long as I remember - just as I have with mental health issues. I only made a real connection between those two and actually started to address them a few years ago.
I do remember how much it blew my mind to find out just how much what I put in my body (or don’t put) can affect my mental health.
I’ve struggled with IBS and anaemia for yearssss which really forced me to look closer into the foods I was eating and how they were making me FEEL. But, also as someone who has struggled with eating disorders - eating was something I’ve had to be even more mindful of, to not fall into old habits or feeling guilty/ashamed for eating or restricting eating. • Our digestion is connected to our brain. But, also the other way round too - when we experience a lot of emotional issues, it can really disturb our digestion - and with that our mental health. • As I’ve been able to find more healthy ways to deal with my emotional issues and to calm my nervous system, I am able to listen to my body, my gut a lot more. I’m so much more aware of the foods that FUEL my body, rather than dampen it. Even though there are still habits that are not the best for my gut, I don’t beat myself up or shame myself for them. I know, it’s all a process. And I am just a work in progress.
I’ve been really interested in the Ayurvedic approach, but also intrigued in @medicalmedium . I really like the amount of attention he pays to the liver and actually cleaning it/getting it healthier. It’s not something I ever thought about before, but I know it’s something I’d like to put more attention in.
I also found a new love in learning about herbalism. It always blows my mind just how amazing NATURE is and that we really have alllll we need to HEAL. But, sometimes we need to dig a little bit deeper and actually educate ourselves. Find what works for us, while still being loving and kind to ourselves & most importantly patient throughout this process🙏🏻. • I would love to hear your thought on this topic! What do you do to look after your gut? Did you know just how much it can affect your mental health?✨ ❤️🧡💛💚💙💜
''The wound is the place where the light enters you'' - Rumi.
I remember hearing this quote years ago when I was in a very dark place, and it gave me hope.
Hope, really is so powerful. Especially, when you’re at the beginning of your own healing journey. Hope, was something that kept me going in the darkest of times. And I can tell you from this place where I am today, where I’m filled with gratitude for ALL of those wounds is that having hope for yourself and believing that your life can be better, that you can heal is actually already a huuuuge step.
The light is able to enter us when we surrender. We don’t need to deny the pain, or suffering but we can tend to it and remember just how much stronger it really makes us.
Whatever you are going through, I promise you, it is temporary. Having even a little bit of hope and holding onto it is important.
You have the power within you to change your life.☺️🙏🏻 ❤️🧡💛💚💙💜
Anyone else still haven’t found their “perfect” pair of jeans?🙄 Both of these jeans are size 8, neither of them actually fit my shape. Clothing size is just another one of those numbers that doesn’t need define us. • How often do we chase a certain number whether that’s on the label of the clothes we wear, the scale or social media to find that even when we reach that “perfect” number it doesn’t actually make us feel any better? • You can’t put a numerical value on your worth. We are worth more than any numbers and we do not need to be defined by them. • I would love you to tell me at least one thing the numbers don’t tell you about yourself. What is something you like about yourself that has nothing to do with numbers/your appearance?☺️ ❤️🧡💛💚💙💜 #nosizefitsall#morethananumber