There are some real miracles unfolding around me right now. Today while I was at the office editing the book, I got stuck at a specific sentence. It happens to me a lot; I read something and even though I’ve already lived through it, it pulls me in completely and I have to stop and feel and remember. This specific passage was about our wedding day. It was a beautiful day, because I got to marry the love of my life, and a hard day because I was missing a bridesmaid and everything echoed with the pain of just having lost my best friend. We had a moment before the ceremony as we were getting dressed where each of my bridesmaids took their dresses off their hangers to put them on and suddenly, there was a single blue dress left. Andrea never even got to see it, even though she was the one who choose the dusty blue color we had decided on. It was heartbreaking, seeing that one single dress left on its hanger. She would have looked so beautiful in it. She was supposed to be there. She was supposed to be there with me. I started to cry because it was all just too much and in that exact moment, a friend of ours came in bearing gifts from Costa Rica. Serendipitously, they were from her family. I opened the box and at the very top was this framed picture; taken during one of her travels, the same photo we used during the vigil after she died. We took the dress and the photo and set up an altar at the castle we held the celebration in so that during the night, each of us could to stop by and sit in silence and be with her for a moment. It was a hard day and also the most beautiful day of my life and even though she was gone, I felt her presence throughout. Well, today I got stuck editing this very section of the book. As I rewrote the sentence talking about how I opened the box before the ceremony I started to cry sitting at my desk, reliving the moment. In that exact second @dennisfromsalad texts me. “Super weird; a frame just fell from the wall, out of the blue. The picture is okay but the frame is broken”. I didn’t have to ask him which frame it was. Sometimes... I can feel her so near it’s like the accident never even happened.
Seriously HOW does she keep getting cuter?? This is the best age. Best best best. She is so helpful and sweet and funny and talks up a storm and I just want to stop time so we can stay in these moments forever😭💞 #littlemoon
Slept 10 straight hours. Feel like I’m on the verge of some sort of epiphany. This is my final week of editing the new book... It’s hard. Exhausting. Sitting with it forces me to look at everything I’ve buried; not just emotion and pain but best friends and favorite dogs and grandmothers and stepdads. It’s like every day I open my computer and force myself to go; “which wound today?”. Writing this book was painful. Editing this book is painful. Everything about it is. I have moments editing where I wonder; did this all happen? To me? In this way? Yes. Yes. And perhaps I had to write it all down just so I could pull off the band aids and pick at the scabs and see what still needs healing. Well, turns out... A lot. We’re never done healing, I don’t think. And we’ll never stop missing the loves we’ve lost. My epiphany just now is that I need rest to be able to do this. So this 10-hour sleep... It was glorious. I want more of it. What would happen to me if I started sleeping more than 6 hours a night on a regular basis? Im thinking all those wounds might just heal a little easier. But who knows. It’s early and the sun is rising and the baby is waking up and somehow I made this life happen. I’m just so grateful
everything is the way it’s supposed to be. unless you are subjected to racism, oppression, misogyny or abuse. then - shit is out of order. life takes you where you’re supposed to go, sure, but sometimes where you’ve ended up means having to fight for your life to get the hell away from where you actually are. or doing everything possible to change your currently reality, or mobilizing the troops because you’re too tired to fight and you need help, or speaking up against injustice subjected into other people, or realizing that there is no greater plan involved other than you doing what you gotta do to be okay. trauma should never happen. I used to say it all the time but I know now that saying that everything happens for a reason is deeply insensitive to someone in the midst of it. it’s kind of like being anti abortion; I can apply that belief to my own life if I so choose, but I can’t advocate that shit for the whole world to follow because who am I to say what’s right for someone else? for me personally, everything that came my way did so for a reason. I can derive a sense of purpose from it, now. I’ve spent enough time dealing with and processing my pain and I’ve had enough tools and support that I can sit here now and say: it brought me somewhere and right now, this is where I’m supposed to be. but I’m not going to tell you that that’s also the case for you. maybe where you are right now, everything is awful. maybe you are still living your trauma. maybe your abuser is still a part of your life. maybe you are suffering from systematic oppression and no amount of yoga and meditation or thoughts and prayers or love and light is ever going to fix that shit. so I guess what I’m saying is... not everything is the way it’s supposed to be. and until we realize this as fact even when we are trying to help, we are going to be a part of the problem. #yoga#seva#intersectionalfeminism
Good morning! This is how I start every day. When I wake up I drink a big glass of lemon water (sometimes in hot water, sometimes room temperature) and 15 minutes later I drink 16oz of celery juice. I juice it fresh every morning and what used to feel like a lot of effort now comes super easy. I woke up yesterday in the worst mood and everything that came my way seemed to challenge me all day long (and I’m feeling pretty tired and depleted after answering comments like “aren’t you glad you didn’t abort your baby” for four days straight)🙄 So. I went to yoga and then drove to our local book shop and spent ten minutes feeling my way through the store. When I buy books I try to go by feeling rather than thought - I like to think that books we are meant to read will find us if we let them! Wayne Dyer has been on my mind lately because I love his talks but I have never read a single actual book of his. So, here we are. Just picking this up from the store lightened my mood. And then I went and got some new plants for the house and then I went for a run and then I met up with friends and then and then and then... Sometimes you need an accumulation of uplifting moments to actually lift your spirits. I’m not sure what’s in the air but I think it’s the moon 🦂🌕 (and the systematic oppression of women, obvi). Some days we just have to let ourselves be tired. Do what you gotta do to fill your cup back up! It’s Sunday - a perfect day for rest and snuggles. I’m excited to open this. Just cleaned the kitchen. Billie Holiday through my speakers. Dennis is biking, Lea is sitting quietly playing with her toys. This moment, right here... It’s a good one. Has anyone read this book? Did you love? How are you resting? What are you reading? Share. Loving you. x
DO THE BEST YOU CAN. It’s all we can ever do - the best we can with what we have in front of us. Even on your hardest days you are putting one foot in front of the other. Working so hard. Taking care of so many. So... Keep going. One step at a time. You’re making a difference. x
We are all feeling low following the latest political developments in the US and across the world. Make sure you practice self-care so you can continue fighting this fight! Here is a list I shared in my stories last night... Some go-to suggestions to help clear your energetic and emotional space. I suggest you practice a few throughout the day and pick a big one before bed. Don’t fall asleep with this shit in your face! Regroup. Tune in. Do what you have to do to stay energized and motivated, and most importantly: to not lose hope💪 • TURN YOUR PHONE OFF • Cry. • Take a bath or a long shower • Go for a run • Spend some time in nature. Go outside and look at the sky for a moment • Roll our your yoga mat... But don’t just sit there - now is not the time to be stagnant! Shake the toxicity you are speaking up against out of your body. Move. Then, be still. • Call your bestie. Or your mom. • Make a gratitude list. Make it as long as you can • Listen to a discourse by Ram Dass on YouTube (I listened to Being Free Together last night) • Watch an episode of your favorite show on Netflix (think The Office, not Handmaids Tale) • Have sex (with yourself or with someone else!) • Give someone a belly-to-belly hug. Let it last for at least a minute. • Cuddle with your dog • Throw a 5-minute dance party in your living room ...add your own favorite self-care practice in the comments below. Let’s take care of each other, and ourselves. x
I will never take any of this for granted. This life. The options I’ve been blessed with since I was born. The sense of empowerment and strength instilled in me since I was a little girl. I would not be where I am today if it weren’t for the people who paved the way before me. The people who decided to stick their necks out and fight relentlessly for human rights. We are in a moment in history right now that will define the world our children grow up in. I do not want to leave behind a world where we let men force women and non-binary people to submit their bodies to further a political agenda. Where we force little girls to birth the child of their rapist. Where we have higher prison sentences for aborting a pregnancy that began through rape than we do the actual rape. Where we have to hide and feel ashamed. Where we are not accepted. Where we are constantly told we are less than. Let’s love women more than we do a cluster of cells dividing in their wombs. Let’s give women more autonomy over their own bodies than we give corpses and Petri dishes. If you love children, cultivate a world for them to grow up in that doesn’t enslave them. If you love life, fight for gun control. Fight for medical care. Fight for an equitable world that supports a good life for all of us - especially those less privileged than you. I will fight relentlessly for women and children that are products of a system that can’t support them. @yogagirlfoundation is just getting started and already I can feel the fire inside of me fueling our mission: a world where every child is safe and free from harm. 30+ cases of child abuse so severe that the children require medical care are recorded at the hospital every week (we are a tiny island!). UNICEF concluded that one of the main reasons behind Aruba’s terrifyingly high rates of physical and sexual abuse toward children is in fact that abortion is illegal! Carrying this discussion have anchored me deeper in my longing to be of service than ever before. And I know so many of you are ready to do the work with me. Thank you, for being here. For speaking up. For listening. Let’s keep this fire going 🔥