looking at these pictures make me feel really weird and uncomfortable
I don’t think I’ve ever actually told you guys what I was diagnosed with
June 14th, 2017 I was diagnosed with OSFED - I had never heard of this and was really thrown off, OSFED stands for Other Specified Feeding or Eating Disorder. According to the DSM-5 this means a person that may present with many of the symptoms of other ED’s such as Anorexia Nervosa, Bulimia Nervosa or Binge Eating Disorder but does not meet the full criteria for diagnosis of these disorders.
personally, I restricted and ate very little which is a symptom of anorexia but I also had symptoms of bulimia which included purging.
OSFED is just as serious as any other ED and the reason I chose to share this today is because to this day, I still personally do not see many, if any people talk about OSFED which is probably why I had never even heard about it.
I’ve come a long way since the day I was diagnosed with this but I’d be lying if I said there weren’t days where I look at old pictures and wish I was still small, or days where I feel bad for eating - the other day I sat in all my lectures without taking my coat off because I felt so uncomfortable with my body.
I’ve really come so far but I still have a ways to go, I am thankful for everyone I have met along the way and for everyone who has supported me since that day
been a while
got a couple new bathing suits and for the first time EVER I didn’t look in the mirror and feel absolutely disgusting... what a feeling
however I did feel guilty for not feeling bad, idk if that’s an ED thing or what but either way this was huge for me
if you would’ve asked me if I thought this was even possible less than a year ago, I would’ve laughed in your face
I know it feels that it’s so far away or impossible but putting effort into recovery every day is worth it for moments like this
ever have someone in your life where you think “damn I really don’t know what I’d do if you didn’t exist”
happy birthday to my other half, I hope you know how loved you are and how much you mean to me
having you as my bestfriend for the last 8 years has truly been life’s biggest blessing
I love you more & more each day
today I am celebrating;
women of every race
women of different religions
women of different sexual orientations
women of all body types
women of all goals
women of all professions
women of different beliefs
today I am celebrating ALL women
let’s keep kicking ass and moving mountains #girlsruntheworld#internationalwomensday #empoweredwomenempowerwomen
just wanted to say that I post on here for me, and for other girls who are struggling like I was/am and if you don’t like it, kindly unfollow/don’t creep me lifting weights has honestly helped me so much when it comes to my eating, I went from being afraid to eat and starving myself as much as possible to literally telling myself that if I don’t eat more I won’t become stronger, lifting weights hasn’t made me “bulky” or “manly” or whatever else you can come up with but it has made me healthier not only physically but mentally too!!!
I can now say that I need to eat more and that I want to eat more so I can be better
so thank u powerlifting, ily n you saved me (and @simsyfit too)
ok so here are my last attempts from yesterday .
squat 92.5/100/105 (203/220/231)
bench 42.5/45/47.5 (93/99/104)
deadlift 105/112.5/117 (231/248/258)
I definitely feel like I had more in me but my goal yesterday was just to go 9/9 considering it was my first meet
anyways, had the best time, loved the people, loved lifting, just lots of love
so today I competed in my first powerlifting meet.
I didn’t put it on here or tell too many people ahead of time because I didn’t want people to think I was doing it because of my boyfriend or anything else.
I did this for me and honestly it was everything I could’ve asked for from my first meet.
I went 9/9 and only got one red on my second squat cause I was an eager girl and didn’t listen to my command when racking lol
I hit PRs for every lift and overall I had the most fun.
Thank you to my best friend/coach @simsyfit if it wasn’t for you I never would’ve thought I was capable of this.
Thank you @nklongo for supporting, handling and believing in me today and every other day.
Thank you to all my friends who came today, and everyone who supports me on here.
Ily all and maybe I’ll post my vids
Why is that so hard to admit?
I’ll be the first to say it’s hard to say out loud.
I’ve honestly felt really horrible the last couple of days, I can’t look in the mirror unless I’m fully clothed, I feel uncomfortable in my clothes and just want to curl up and hide.
I try and be super honest on here so I’ll tell you, I restricted on Tuesday.
I’m not proud of it, but I did it and it’s in the past - I don’t know where this is stemming from right now but I’m taking it day by day, taking deep breaths and trying to remind myself that this is temporary.
Everything is temporary, I’ll be ok.
as fun as Calgary was I am happy to be home and back in my routine of things, I really enjoyed myself but towards the end of the week I started feeling self conscious about my body which is to be expected considering I ate out most of last week.
I’m ready to get back to cooking and focusing on recovery, as this is still my biggest goal.
classes end in a month (April 4th) and then exams so the next couple of weeks are going to be stressful af and I’m going to need to find an outlet instead of my ED
I hope the next month goes by quick and easy for everyone in school this term!! We got this
thanks for letting me be part of today
you may be 3rd but you’re number 1 in my heart ha ha ha
but for real I’m insanely proud of you, I’ve watched you train for today for the last few months and you’ve put everything you have into this
can’t wait to see what’s next #cpunats2018