“Things are in order; I am just not the order-maker.”
Y’all. This quote absolutely blessed my heart this week. My husband and I bought our first house a year ago, with the old saying, “first comes love, then comes marriage, then comes baby in the baby carriage” ringing in our ears. We knew we were ready to grow our little family, and we so naively assumed the timing was in our hands. We bought a little three bedroom home, and immediately began calling the third room #thenursery.
We’ve lost three babies since then. The nursery remains empty. We’ve since converted in into a playroom. [Which sounds a bit odd for a couple without kids, but we are in a season of hosting international families, and chose to steward an empty room well by using it to bless our friends children while they were here.]
We’ve run the tests. I’m a healthy thirty-something, with no apparent reasons for miscarriage. But thirty-something?! That number hurts a little. It’s a reminder that my plans have failed. You see, I was supposed to be a twenty-something with multiple kids in my arms, and more on the way. #largefamilygoals
Wes and I met and married later than I “planned”. We’ve lost three babies. And somehow I’m turning 32 without a child and with the knowledge that those children I planned on are simply not promised.
But there is an order. There’s an order written by the God who opened Sarah’s womb at 90. I’m quite sure that wasn’t her plan, but it was a good plan that brought glory to His name and laughter to her lips. Even more so, the order for my life has been written by the God who gave His Son to die on a bloody cross to redeem my life from the pit. The single most chaotic, horrific, hopeless situation in history was ordered by God for His glory and my good. Death didn’t have the final say. Christ rose, and in that is my hope.
So whether we welcome our children at an age we didn’t expect, or whether we die childless, we trust the one who is the Order-Maker. He’s working for His good and our glory, in seasons where tears abound and suffering is deep, and in seasons where joy abounds and laughter rings through the air.