"A little party never hurt nobody." #GatsbyGala
Tonight sucked for me.
I ended up a wallflower, alone on the side of the dance floor, wishing I had someone to enjoy the night with. My mom and stepdad were off together, and my sister was dancing with a friend from her EMT class. I stood alone, wondering how to occupy myself for the next hour or so.
My thoughts quickly spiraled downward as I watched couples twirl across the dance floor. I secluded myself to a sofa and soon began believing that I wasn't likable enough to be danced with or have friends there. I wasn't pretty enough, I wasn't this & I wasn't that... and my eyes grew hot with tears as I watched people laughing and dancing from a distance.
Sorrowful & surprising words came up from my heart and out of my mouth when my sister quit her dancing to join me on that lonely sofa. Words that showed a heart position I was holding & wasn't even aware of. And my words, in a moment's time, caused the night to turn in upon itself in a whirl of dismay to those involved. Snow flurries fell and blanketed the dark earth in a strange otherworldliness.
I was driven to the E.R.
As I stared out the car window at that white, soft snow falling from the night sky, I felt God's soft presence gently settle upon me, cradling my wretched soul, calming my despair. I felt my tight grip on the situation relax and dissipate like sand falling through fingers, & my heart opened like a lotus to complete trust in my Father who will NEVER leave me. He showed me His relentless love, that even when I fail time & time again and struggle with deep waves of depression and anxiety that leave me baffled and gasping for grace, that He has not forsaken me.
I am covered in the blood of Jesus Christ.
I have been adopted; a daughter of the star breather.
God is with me. How profound. And He faithfully continues to reveal His Fatherly patience and goodness to me, even when I am most broken.
John 11:4 "This sickness is not unto death, but for the glory of God, that the Son of God may be glorified through it." Lord, have Your way.
University of Wisconsin-Eau Claire