Most nights I sleep in my crate. I love my crate. But in the morning, if I’m good, the humans let me onto their bed. Sometimes they kick me off right away if I get too excited, so I’ve learned to hold in my happiness. To imitate them I lay perfectly still on my back. When I do this, I don’t get kicked off. The humans say I’m a strange dog. But if I get to be on the bed, I don’t mind being strange. Next up, access to the dinner table. I have a plan. It involves forks.