I'm now weighing 170 lbs. There is a huge part of me that is completely ok with that. I'm up about 16 lbs from pre-pregnancy, and I look/feel healthy and on track. Then there is also that little tiny part of me that's not okay with weighing so much and having my body be so soft and "curvy" for lack of better terms. Eating disorders and body dysmorphia disorders are not something that ever just vanishes. The last couple weeks have been a bit of a struggle for me, questioning how I feel about myself, and becoming really vulnerable and opening up to my hubby about how he feels about me and really just letting myself feel emotional and insecure and accepting all the poopy lame scary feelings that have surfaced and starting to understand and heal from them. The focal point is this: I am growing a human inside of me. My belly is expanding to fit her. My hips and bum are changing shape to accommodate her arrival into my life. My boobs are getting out of control so she will have nourishment and the amazing food source that I can create for her. Nothing else matters. She is the most important thing to my body right now. I will continue to remind myself that my body is amazing and capable in all it's forms and that this is a temporary vessel for growing life. Maybe one day I'll miss being preggo, who knows. For now I'm trusting that this pregnancy journey is my path and choosing to view this transformation as beautiful and fascinating and not allowing myself to get wrapped up in negative self thoughts and doubts. As long as my man still thinks I'm sexy, I'm good ! Also want to thank all the mamas and women I've talked to who have helped me feel more confident and positive throughout this journey so far - your support means everything to me. .
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