Sorry for the lengthy babble in advance ♀️♀️♀️♀️♀️♀️♀️ I’m glad I just decided to skip the makeup for the last 3 days. I probably cried 4 separate times yesterday alone! Like the real. ugly. cry.
You see, about 5 weeks ago I had a little freak out. Triggered by something that left me wanting to shut down, run, hide, destruct. My old habits were trying to come take control: Avoid. Bury. Numb. Run. Self-sabotage... but this time I knew I couldn’t keep doing this.
I am grateful that I get to learn how to swim through these uncharted waters. I am letting myself feel what comes up. I give it space.
I listen. I turn it over to God. And I’ll be honest, ITS HARD. It’s hard changing habits. And even though I was consciously aware of it over our 17 days of travel, coming home feels like going toe to toe with a Mack Truck. And I was scared. Scared that when I got home I would revert right back.
Y’all, it’s been a 3 day battle.... I SOOOOOO had the temptation to judge myself for being so darn emotional. Feeling like a broken, weak, crybaby girl. Confused and mean to myself. And then it was pointed out to me that I was still demonizing Emotions and not turning it over and letting God be the judge: “Feel the feelings, it’s a good thing.” “Dont be so darn critical of yourself”
And of course I instantly started crying again.
It’s normal to have emotions.
It’s normal to get exhausted.
It’s not always going to be smiles and rainbows 24/7.
Crying doesn’t make us weak, depressed or unhappy. It means we are alive, we’re human.
It’s so important to let ourselves feel. Emotions aren’t a bad thing.
So that’s what I’m doing, just experience the waves. Not controlling it or forcing it. Letting the waives come and learning to ride it out with God. ♀️ So if I’ve seemed a little MIA this week, I’ve been in that space lately. Surfing with Jesus. I’m choosing to just ride it out and let the tears fall as they need.
Have you ever been unwilling to feel? .
#innerbonding #thisisme #becomingclay #freedome #encuraged #childoftheking #graceandmercy #redeemer #graceupongrace