• Insecurities •
I don’t talk a lot about my insecurities, not publicly or even in my daily life, and only a small handful of people know what they are. The only person I’ve ever opened up to honestly and without holding back is Adam. But the truth is it weighs me down like a strongman lifting a boulder (minus the sweating).
I know what it is, I know where it comes from. I’ve lived with it for a long as I can remember and it’s still here, still following me and gives me a little wave just when I put it all out of mind. It can affect the way I look at things, my ability to form new friendships - people just assume I’m shy and I don’t make any noise to the contrary because I know what it is that holds me back and to be honest I’d rather be shy.
There’s no real point to this post; no philosophical self-discovery, no epiphanies, no encouraging ‘I am free of it’ revelations. Just something I had to vent, to put into words and may still take down later. I don’t constantly feel overwhelmed by it, but the last few weeks have been somewhat heightened and leave me at a loss for words. This demon, my demon, I hope one day I can make peace with. For today though, it’s cuddles with my son and family time, the best medicine there is.