#familydysfunction

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#familydysfunction#familyovereverything#truth#love#wetv#emotions#theglanvilles#thejones#portwoods#thefamily#theheatison#marriagebootfamilyedition#sistersfight#grazianos#anger#familyfights#WETV#drish#support#thankyou#judgelynntoler#drV#andthenetwork#fears#breakthecycle#family#pain#blogger#snakes#healing

Hashtags #familydysfunction for Instagram

Sharing about brokenness and family restoration with Hope Stream Radio. Part 1 of my interview is now available! (Temporary link in profile) #brokenness #familydysfunction #mendingbrokenbranches #author #blogger #speaker #writer


0

When life’s a beeeeatch go to the beach, they say. Something about the wind and the waves and all that nature being therapeutic. And so I did. With poetry. But the beach was cold and the wind kept whipping all my pages AND hair making me grouchier than I was when I left the house, so I read for like 12 minutes in the car with a view of the lighthouse and then bailed for coffee and the comfort of pajama pants at home. 🤷🏻‍♀️

Apparently, Spring dropped by for my birthday and then made like a leaf. Sunshine eases my heartache for a hot minute, but dark skies are never far behind.
See, I haven’t seen or spoken to my brother in 5 years and every year I think it will be a little easier, letting go of him, but it isn’t. His absence shreds our family in countless unspoken ways, and on birthdays and holidays and pretty much every day I miss who he used to be, still adjusting to the gaping hole in my heart where he used to reside. . .
I don’t know why family members suck so thoroughly sometimes, but I’ve had some meaningful conversations with a few of you about it and I’m always surprised by how common family upheaval and estrangement is. Knowing you’re not alone helps. Also hugs. 💓 Sometimes wine, but not too much. And just like it’s been since the day I started reading, books. ALL THE BOOKS. 🙌🏼 Reminder: The princess saves herself, and builds an empire while doing it. 💪🏼👑 Hug your people, people. We all need a little more love. 🤟🏼💞🙌🏼
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#familydysfunction #moodygrams #booklife


5

{Transparent Tuesday}

Putting The Broken Pieces Back Together (My Journey To Healing)

Way before I started to break
I began to see my broken pieces
And with those broken pieces
I later began to break other things around me
I broke promises
I broke hearts
I broke bonds
My break game was strong
Because I was not only caught up in the breaking game
At an early age I learned how to play it
And man did I play it
Man did I blame it
It became a state in which
I surrendered my existence
And now I'm left to put back the broken pieces
By allowing them to just be
Pieces Of Me
And NOT be my WHOLE identity
By allowing them to be polished and carefully restored
No longer ignored or endured
Yes! Now I WILL claim them
Without shame
No! I will NOT entertain them
Or use them for foul play
I will reveal them
And no longer conceal them
So I can move on to and through my healing.
Now I know that I am no longer my broken pieces
My broken pieces are just pieces of me
Ready to be restored. ~DCM~

#transparenttuesday #transparency #brokenpieces #childhoodtrauma #ptsd #dissociation #depression #breakingcycles #familydysfunction #learnedbehaviors #unlearning #journeytohealing #healing #theprocess #depressionrecovery
#restoration #piecesofme
#apoemaday #nationalpoetrymonth #itsalifestylething #blogger


1

The loss of LOVE always leaves a scar!
#familydysfunction
#tdjakes


0

You know when you’re almost asleep and suddenly you hear movement or a sound in your house that you can’t explain? Immediately you are on high alert, your heart is pounding, stomach is in knots, Mind is racing, you can hear every single sound in your house. Each second you’re growing more and more intense Bc your body is releasing Cortisol (stress response hormone). This is your body’s stress response system doing its job. It’s one of the reasons the human species has evolved and survived. Can you imagine living every moment of your life in this state of high alert? Our bodies weren’t meant to do that, but it’s a reality for children growing up with ACEs- their stress response is activated dozens of times in a day. Overtime the ability to discern truly stressful situations becomes difficult for the brain to do Bc it feels as if it’s constantly in the midst of harm. The constant elevated cortisol levels cause inflammation in the body and our stress response system becomes dysregulated, so we are on edge all the time- ready to attack like a wounded dog when anyone comes close. That was my life for 26 years. Ready to attack, usually with a sharp tongue or defensive comment. Even when the trauma was gone, I didn’t know I could let my guard down Bc being in flight or fight was all i knew. If this is you, I’m here to tell you that you can stop fighting. You can stop living your life waiting for the next attack. You can let your guard down. If you don’t, you are on a long lonely road of life that you were never meant to live. Sweetheart you were never meant to fight to survive. You were meant to thrive.


10

So, I've been asking people over the last week for 8 dollars cash for things I want or need for 8 bucks. I like the number now. It's the Infinity symbol. I have it tatted on my chest. It helps me to know if I am asking to much of an individual. And to find out if they just don't have it to give.
I've learned a lot from doing this.
Most people have it. They just don't want to give it to me. They expect something in return. They feel it's way too much for me to ask of them. Others consider it a loan and want it back. I think, Seriously, it's 8 bucks? Others plain don't have it. I get that.
As for me, now when I have money and someone asks, I give them half of what I have that day. I have Faith I will receive it back in some shape or form. Maybe not in cash. My Bible teaches me abut ten fold.
I don't give loans. I just give. I know I will receive my return. The only time I expect my money back is when I give it to someone when it is meant for someone else. I have given away money meant for my son in prison so he can eat, wash himself, use toothpaste. Email. Phone. People lie and take so much. I couldn't reconcile how how? How they can continue to take from me, my son's, my grandson when they know that is all I have. I can understand it now. Took me long enough.
Anyhow, I taught my boys to do and give out of the kindness of their hearts and never ever expect anything in return. From humans. It's the way I chose to live my life, I'm spite of my learnings growing up with a family that didn't know how to love unconditionally and without attachments.
I believe it only makes people sicker if they expect a return or hold a grudge.
And, in my book, grudge holding is very different from trauma holding.
#traumabonded #mentalillness #narcissism #familydysfunction. #abuseandneglect #triangulation
#emdrtherapy #deeptissuemassage #reiki #accupuncture #musicdance #yoga
#sheletgo


1

Sneak peek into Chapter 5 of The Avenging Angel #webcomic - revisiting the day Martin was born, which comes up again in Chapter 7. #makecomics #illustration #artistsoninstagram #comics #watercolor #gouache #ink #indiecomics #familydysfunction


2

Ever noticed how your friend (or you) habitually finds herself in unhealthy relationships? We tend to seek comfort in predictability and familiarity even if it is bound to hurt us. If we’ve survived it before, we can do it again, right? Except at the root it is typically a cycle of re-enacting a previous unstable relationship that we subconsciously want to get right. If we can get past the denial, we can usually trace this back to (you guessed it!) our childhood. Perhaps we had a hyper-critical parent that we could never impress or a neglectful Dad who was never around. We subconsciously replace our parent with our partner (or friend) and try to please and please and please, hoping it ends differently. We think if we do better this time, we will be able to give our partner what they need in order to receive their love and acceptance. Really the only way to break the cycle is to identify that a pattern exists and trace it back to the original place of the dysfunction. “Many traumatized people expose themselves, seemingly compulsively, to situations reminiscent of the original trauma. These behavioral reenactments are rarely consciously understood to be related to earlier life experiences.”- Bessel van der Kolk explains one of the many reasons abuse and neglect pass through generations. If you find yourself in similar situations with different people, it’s time to reflect and repair the pain so that you don’t repeat it! #repair #repeat #generations


17

My baby girl SaniyaRain getting her shooting on, while my other baby girl, Sierra Star gets her acting on with @dye2411. Send pics to eboogiefilms@gmail.com to be cast in our next production.
#GoodnightFilms #EBoogieFilms
#features #film #BestFriendstheMovie
#childactors #director #producer #love
#familydysfunction #issues #triumph


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Honored to have these amazing actors, Fran Guinan and Meg Thalken, join set as Meredith's parents, Eleanor and John. #familydysfunction #thehavenwebseries #womeninfilm #domesticviolence #chicagofilm


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The blonde in the front yelling, that’s me! 😬 #notmuchhaschanged I’ve been thinking A LOT about my siblings since National Sibling Day was this week. Without a doubt, siblings were the best part of my upbringing! We know each other as we always were. We have seen the trials and the trauma and are genuinely pulling for one another. We are the only people who fully understand the depths of the family secrets, dysfunction, and events we have yet to put into words. We share memories that we would rather forget. As a result, we pull for one another in a way no one else can. I was raised with 4 older brothers (2 blood, 2 step) and have a half sister. I’d be lying if I said we were all close today but know I would still be there for them in a heart beat ♥️ #siblinglove


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Only 6 weeks of school left and I have 4 speaking engagements lined up. 😳🙌🏼 Finishing the school year strong 💪🏼 before my lil peeps are out for the summer. But I’m currently booking for the fall so if your church, women’s group, Bible study, or organization is in need of a speaker, let’s connect! And feel free to check out my updated speaking calendar. (temporary link in profile)


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(BIO EXCERPT) Contrary to most things, a bio is not better when sugarcoated.⠀

Some people are victims of horrific abuse as children but are also so goddamn courageous, they crawl out of the dankest, darkest pits to beam outwards a light so unusual that it's both gentle and expository. ⠀

All bios require professionalism, but some downright DEMAND that you get real, because the audience you're looking for believes they're alone in the world. When in fact, you're one of the few people who can not only help them, but also truly understand what they’ve been through. #tellitlikeitis #speakthetruth #helpthemfindyou #beautifulbios
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#onlinebio #biowriting #websitebio #aboutpage #copywriting #copywriter #abuse #childabuse #adultchildren #humantrafficing #familydysfunction #storytelling #brandstorytelling #writersofinstagram #writeyourtruth #worditright #sayitright #tellyourstory #bethelight #truthhurts #dontsugarcoatit #getreal #lightthepath #exposethetruth #lifecoach #dysfunction


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Let’s talk coping mechanisms. We all have them. What do you do when you’re stressed? Do you go shopping? Do you go out with friends for drinks to forget about the work week? Do you pour yourself into your work so you can avoid the pain of another rejection? Do you go to the gym? Do you spend the weekend in bed sleeping so you don’t have to think about it? Do you binge on comfort food? Do you call an ex for attn? We all have compulsive comfort seeking behaviors that have helped us survive, cope and numb stressful situations. Most of us developed these when we were young as a means of dealing with stress... in some cases what we used to use to cope stopped working and we started a new habit. The only difference between me and someone addicted to alcohol or drugs is that I learned to cope and numb by performance/work. When I feel overwhelmed with personal stresses, I pour myself into projects or other people until I’m completely depleted.. which usually lands me in bed for at least 24 hours. It’s definitely not healthy, but it’s my coping mechanism of choice. I’m learning the key is to recognize the compulsive comfort seeking behavior and determine what triggered me to turn to it. Then, I can work on the wound instead of trying to numb or avoid it. Eventually, if I face it instead of numb it, it starts to heal and lose its pain and I notice that I no longer have a need for the coping mechanism or that I don’t need it as much. #freedom


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Honored to be a guest on today’s episode of Surviving Sarah with host @sarahwbragg 🙌🏼 If you haven’t listened to this podcast you need to check it out. Sarah is THE REAL DEAL. Down to earth. Transparent. Wife and mom of 2 👧🏻👧🏻Always striving for excellence. And she’s and Enneagram 3 so she and I got along just great! #twinning 👩🏻👩🏻 On the podcast we talked about:
- motherhood
- family dysfunction
- overcoming brokenness
- cultivating a new family tree
- what’s helping me survive these days

CHECK IT TODAY! You won’t be disappointed. (Temporary link in profile)
#podcast #mendingbrokenbranches #familydysfunction #brokenness #healing #faith #motherhood #writer #author #speaker #writerauthorblogger #blogger


1

It is an enemy tactic to introduce spirits of fear and chaos to us as children. If he can convince us that living in fear and being surrounded by chaos is normal as children, before we know any different, it won’t take much to keep us being slaves to our fears and surrounded by chaos as adults. Fortunately for us, God’s plans for us are greater than the enemy’s schemes. “What the enemy intended for harm, God intended for good” Genesis 50:20. He will restore every bit of our lives that was lost to the enemy’s games. He is the ultimate redeemer! If you haven’t had your moment of redemption yet, please have faith because it is coming! “All things work for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose” Romans 8:28 #tagafriend who needs to know that if it’s not good, it’s Bc he’s not finished!


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Early chronic stress causes us to have a hyper sensitive stress response systems as children, constantly pumping stress hormones into our bodies resulting in significant inflammation. Inflammation is the root cause of most all symptoms and diseases. It’s no wonder the higher your ACE score, the higher your likelihood of adult onset physical illnesses such as cancer, heart disease, autoimmune disease, and chronic bowel disorders. The good news is that research also shows that you can still intervene and reverse the physical effects of ACEs. It starts with accepting and acknowledging that what happened to you can impact your health and then taking steps to heal your mind, body and soul (more on that later!) 💕💕💕


17

64% of people have experienced at least 1 ACE. This is perhaps my favorite fact about ACEs- learning that I’m not alone. Understanding that the very thing I used to think made me different and made me feel isolated, actually gave me something in common. #theirony Your pain is actually shared by more people than you can imagine 💕💕 #youarenotalone


1

Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACEs) are any events that cause chronic unpredictable stress to a child. These include (but are not limited to) obvious sexual and physical abuse, but also stressors that many consider to be normal—growing up with divorced parents, living with a depressed or alcoholic mom or dad, having a parent who belittled or humiliated you, or simply not feeling as if your family had your back. People who’d experienced four such categories of childhood adversity were twice as likely to be diagnosed with cancer and depression as adults who didn’t have ACEs. The term “Adverse Childhood Experience” was coined as part of a public health research study in the 90’s that included over 17,000 people in the middle and upper middle class who were mostly college educated and had good jobs and healthcare, aka these were your average Americans… not from low income families like we would like to assume. The study identified a scientific link between childhood adversity and adult onset of physical illnesses and mental health disorders. Two-thirds of Americans report experiencing at least one ACE. Still want to know more? Of course you do! Click the link in my profile for one of my favorite ted talks about ACEs ♥️ & tag a friend who might find this interesting!


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Regran @emotional_abuse_recovery
The more independent the child is, the more threatened the narcissist gets as they need total control of their children for their narcissistic supply
#overprotective #engulfing #enmeshment #control #lackofboundaries #tinafuller #narcissists #narcissisticfamily #narcissist #brainwashing #brainwashingkids #autonomy #threatened #relationships #familydysfunction #dysfunction #toxic #parentalalienation #identity


4

It’s my birthday Month! 🎉 Is it coincidence that April is also National Child Abuse Awareness Month? I think not! #GodWink I believe the only way we can prevent child abuse, is to heal the adults who were raised in unhealthy environments. If we don’t the cycle will continue. I recognize that one of the reasons family dysfunction continues is because a lot of us don’t realize that we were raised in unhealthy environments or we naively believe it is a thing of the past and has no impact on how we live our lives today. Sure, we know our parents weren’t perfect. But do we acknowledge that we might have picked up some habits in our childhood that are no longer healthy for us and actually have negative impacts on our adult lives and the ones we love the most? PSA You can change the things you don’t like about yourself. Self awareness/development and mindfulness is a key to living the happiest, healthiest and most rewarding lives! Research supports that over 60% of adults endured at least one Adverse Childhood Experience (ACE). If we don’t know what those are, how can we be sure it doesn’t apply to us or effect us today? If we don’t acknowledge our pain can we actually recover and learn from it?

I am going to dedicate April to ACE Awareness. I will be sharing lots of facts about ACEs, in hopes that we can self reflect and better understand the things in our childhood that keep us from being the best we can be! This info will apply to over 60% of your friends. Who will you invite to learn and grow with you? Tag them below!!! #aceawareness #childabuseprevention


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Shit turns into a fiasco every holiday. We clearly cannot take anything seriously and I love it. Check out my mother sitting there oblivious to what's going on behind her. 🤣🤣🤣 #easter #easter2018 #happyeaster #family #familytime #fam #familyportrait #familydysfunction #sisters #mother #motherdaughter #motheranddaughters #girls #girlsonly #4daughters #fourdaughters #imtheoldest #goodtimes #horsingaround #onlyinthecove #onlyinthecountry #countrygirls #borninasmalltown #shenanigans #cantactright


0

New blog post! Takes no more than two hours to listen to my crying!

kathalinaalonso.wordpress.com 😙

#ugh #wordpress #familydysfunction #abuse #overbearing #overit


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This picture is for my hating ass cousin! #TopOfTheMorningToYou I love you! #GottaLoveHer No one wins, when the #FamilyFeuds #FamilyTalking #DirtyLaundry #HurtPeopleHurtPeople #WhatWeBuryInsideWillBuryUs #FamilyDysfunction (Don't be afraid, every family goes through it) #IAmNotAgainstYou #YOUareAgainstYOU #BlackExcellence #BlackPower #BlackWoman #BlackPanther Stay #Golden and leave the #Hate to the #Outsiders #Family YOU KNOW WHERE I COME FROM. #BLESSED #JesusKissedTheSnake 💋💋💋 #3ForYou


5

I wanted to do a quick little appreciation post to @stories_with_hope for the #torrancefamilyvacay readalong that I took part in this month. I obviously didn’t put a lot of work into this photo (my life is CRAZY right now!) and I know it’s not the greatest, but I do love this old beat up edition (and I don’t see it around very often!) I don’t really do a lot of in depth book reviewing as I am not very good at it and tbh don’t enjoy it very much, but I will say this: Although this story scared the shit out of me and stuck with me upon my first read at around 13 years old, I certainly didn’t fully grasp the character development and the struggles that these complex people faced as a family until now. This is BY FAR a five 🌟 read! If you haven’t read this book you need to GET ON IT! #stephenking #theshining #stephenkingstheshining #torrancefamilyvacay #theoverlookhotel #horror #horrorfan #psychologicalhorror #suspense #alcoholism #familydysfunction #readalong #reader #reading #constantreader #bibliophile #booklover #bookworm #bookish #booksofinstagram #bookstagram #bookstagrammer


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#Repost @lajja_diaries with @get_repost
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Why is it anyone else's business when you choose to procreate? Tell us your #SexismAtWork story using #LajjaDiaries.
#WhatTheyReallyMean #Feminism #Feminist
#GenderEquality #BeingFeminist
#ShoutOutLoud #TodayInFeminism #StandUpForFeminism


1

Throwback to fall days, getting covered in dirt while ATV riding, and testing our human balancing skills
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#familydysfunction #wegotpulledover #fall2015 #ididntdrivethisoneintowater


9

What do you think when you see someone’s mugshot for an unfathomable crime like rape? “What a sick perv!” “What a POS!” “How could he?” “What is wrong with him?!” I used to have these thoughts myself. Learning about the cycles of childhood trauma and adverse childhood experiences has completely changed my perspective. Now my first thought is “what happened to him?” “What’s his story?” “Who hurt him?” “What trauma did he endure?” “What’s his ACE score?” There’s so much research to support the fact that abused people who never get help or support become abusers. Hurt people hurt people. The cycle will continue until the abused person finds healing so that they don’t become the abuser. For some people it simply takes one person to ask them “what happened to you?” Or someone who makes them feel safe, someone who cares. Those of us who are resilient today despite our chaotic childhoods are resilient because of the relationships we had, likely outside of the home, that made us feel safe, seen, known, and loved. We are resilient because of the people who believed in us and supported us along the way. If we never had that one person who believed in us, nurtured us, supported us, there’s no telling how our story would have turned out. That’s the humbling, sobering thought that comes over me every time I see a mugshot or hear about severe abuse, neglect and dysfunction. #whathappenedtoyou #perspective


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I just found this quote today, but this was my mission long before I ever read it- to help people embrace what they’ve been through so that they can stop seeing it as a hindrance and start seeing it as a blessing. Obviously, all of us who experienced a challenging childhood would have liked for it to have been different. We can’t change it, but we can embrace it. 💕 #embracingaces


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It all starts with TRUTH. Then pain. Lotsa pain. Then acceptance. Next healing. And then the beautiful life you have imagined. Hugs, love and courage to whoever needs it today❤️#trauma #pain #secrets #abetterlife #childhood #addiction #mentalillness #wounds #healing #breakingfree #abetterlife #nocontact #familydysfunction


2

Some WHACK stuff has been happening the last couple days and I’ve done pretty good keeping my thoughts under control but this morning it’s a little bit heavier than I was expecting- Im feeling that weight of anxiety and stress just sitting on my shoulders like a big fat elephant trying to suffocate me It scares me cause this is usually when I spiral into depression and can’t get out of the bed.... do you ever feel like that?!? I hate how it makes me feel like I can’t control myself anymore UGHHhHH ... but I’m trying to control what I can control and keep moving forward >>> #keepitmoving #familydysfunction


1

This is my answer from last nites episode.. no one needs to feel bad for me or be upset with my sister’s behavior we are family at the end of the day and family fights. And I love my sister ❤️ But I live only for my kids so I will do everything in my power to be their mom and dad...no one nor nothing will destroy me cause my kids got me ❤️. #fears #emotions #truth #anger #familyfights #sistersfight #support #love #grazianos #theglanvilles #thejones #portwoods #familydysfunction #theheatison #thefamily #familyovereverything #wetv #thankyou #drish #drV #judgelynntoler #andthenetwork #marriagebootfamilyedition #WETV Friday’s at 9pm


13

Honestly the face you will make after almost every chapter of #inheriteddysfunction GET UR COPY NOW 📚*link in bio* available on amazon n kindle #bookreader #blackauthors #fiction #africanamericanbooks #africanamericanliterature #urban #blackgirlsrock #blackgirlmagic #drama #love #substanceabuse #betrayal #family #familydysfunction #breakthecycle


2

Get ready for tonight’s marriage boot camp celebrity family edition !! We hold nothing back... #fears #emotions #truth #snakes #anger #familyfights #sistersfight #grazianos #theglanvilles #thejones #portwoods #familydysfunction #theheatison #thefamily #familyovereverything #wetv #marriagebootfamilyedition #WETV Friday’s at 9pm


0

Get ready for tonight’s episode of marriage boot camp celebrity family edition !! we hold nothing back... #fears #emotions #truth #snakes #anger #familyfights #sistersfight #grazianos #theglanvilles #thejones #portwoods #familydysfunction #theheatison #thefamily #familyovereverything #wetv #marriagebootfamilyedition #WETV Friday’s at 9pm


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if we're being honest... #mothersday #fathersday #thanks
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reminder: all Thoughtful Human cards are PLANTABLE. literally, you plant them in the ground..they grow wildflowers..📍thoughtfulhuman.co 🌱🌼


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The thing you don’t want to talk about- that’s what you need to share the most. That’s what you need to shout from the rooftops! You may think it’s easy to share about my story on here Bc I’ve put it out there before but the truth is it’s hard every. single. time. The enemy feeds me lies before every post, at least the ones that are most impactful. I’ve learned to accept that those lies are usually indication that I’m on the right track- that someone needs to hear it. When fear creeps in and tells me to run or avoid, I am learning that there’s more freedom when you stand still and face it. The convos we don’t want to have are always the ones we need the most. I really hope today you decide to stop avoiding the things you don’t want to talk about and start shouting them from the rooftops instead!!!


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Despite the titanic length, Richard Eyre’s adaptation of Long Day’s Journey Into Night by Eugene O’Neill, which was based on his own dysfunctional family and instructed to be published 25 years after his death, is a great one. Lesley Manville is heart breaking as the mother of the family battling an addiction and Jeremy Irons excels as the temperamental miser/ father - as you watch you get drawn into the family’s problems and find yourself questioning who’s at fault for their dysfunction at every turn. The stage makes crazy use of the blank space, with glass and translucent walls given you a hint of their outside world beyond their old-timey living room furniture. Plus did I mention Jeremy Irons on a West End stage?
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#theatre #theatrenight #theatrereview #theatrelife #theatrelife🎭 #theatres #theatrelifestyle #theatregeek #theatrelove #theatremagic #lovetheatre #theatrenerd #theatretime #theatrelover #theatreislife #theatretrip #theatrethings #theatreperformance #theatregirl #atthetheatre #atthetheatredarling #filmactorsonstage #wyndhamstheatre #familydysfunction #painfulass #jeremyirons


1

Were your parents passive? Most emotionally neglected adults were not actively mistreated in their childhoods. There isn’t a specific event that they can point to so they assume they had a carefree childhood and the emotional neglect cycle continues. These were the kids who were constantly told to “suck it up” or “stop crying, you’re not hurt”. Can you imagine how confusing that must be to a 5 year old who fell and hit their knee? Sure, the pain scale may be a 2 on a scale of 10, but it still hurts! But the people who they trust more than anything are telling them it doesn’t hurt. These kids probably realized their emotions were a burden to their parents and learned to ignore their feelings in order to adapt and cause less frustration to the adults. It’s a survival tactic, and it works but not without repercussions. It causes so much confusion because you assume your emotion is a weakness or wrong. You learn to push down your emotions and never share them. As an adult you might feel emotionally numb, avoid your feelings or feel sad but tell yourself you have no reason to be sad Bc you’re surrounded by blessings. It might make you insensitive to others and Keep you from connecting with people. You might even have a reoccurring thought that something is wrong with you, but you can’t put it into words. Sound familiar? The best way to break the cycle is to acknowledge this happened to you and allow yourself to feel the emotions, even when they don’t make sense. Expressing your emotions is normal, necessary and healthy. You have no reason to feel guilt or shame because you feel some type of way that doesn’t necessarily “make sense” to you or anyone else. Feel all the feels!!! (except guilt for acknowledging the emotions, of course) Most of all, be aware of this habit and mindful of your internal promptings to ignore your feelings and the feelings of others. Mindfulness is a cycle breaker!


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8 hours of sleep per WEEK can make you crazy. My doctors were convinced the insomnia that came out of no where was directly related to my intense career at a Big 4 accounting firm. My 60-90 hour weeks might have contributed but it was definitely not the root cause. Of course, the doctors didn’t care about the root cause, they wanted to treat the symptom. They tried to send me home with every prescription med you can imagine. (Fortunately?) I’ve had a fear of prescription meds since I was a child and had a pretty intense inclination that my mom was addicted to them. I refused the meds and prayed instead. It took a year, but God knew the only way I could get past the sleepless nights was to deal with the root cause. He knew what was poisoning me, what was keeping me sick. Two decades of secrets. Not the kind of secrets you share with your best friend but the ones you wouldn’t dare tell anyone. Secrets keep you sick. If you don’t willingly expose them, your body will pay the price. The higher your ACE score, the higher your number of unexplained physical symptoms. #thebodykeepsthescore


2

I have such mixed emotions.

I build myself up, get the courage to walk away, work on myself, lots of inner work, creativity, tears.. Anything to heal the pain and try to understand the situation... How do I rebuild?
How can I integrate 'normally' into society?
How can I trust ever again?
How can I trust anyone when my own mother and family unit is so dysfunctional?
When noone seems to understand?
When I am labelled as the trouble maker when all I do or desire is peace.

I try so hard to heal.
But I'm always on the edge.. Of relationships, everything.. This is so hard

I stay away so that I can become stronger.. Then something happens, a family emergency, a death.. Something.. And I soften and reach out.. And all the strength and confidence that I seemed to have gained, just crashes down.

I come away, feeling raw again. Every raw memory resurfaces. Every feeling of never being enough.

I look at my childhood, my adolescence,my adulthood...I look all around me and I'm not 'normal'. I find it so so hard integrating.

#motherwound #narcissisticabuse #emotionalabuse #toxicrelationships #abuserecovery #goldenchild #scapegoat #narcissisticabuserecovery #heal #recovery #confusion #narcissism #siblingrivalry #gaslighting #inferiority #familydysfunction


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We grabbed dinner. I was expecting small talk Bc at that time that’s all I ever shared. I didn’t want people finding me out. I was the queen of having a ton of friends but no intimacy. Even my closest friends didn’t know the real me. They had no idea my history, my secrets, my story. I was used to showing presentable Cortney, the perfectionist, the overachiever, the life of the party, the walls, the facade. They knew nothing. That all changed when this one guy, a stranger really, decided to be honest and transparent with me. He shared about his not-so-normal childhood. Instead of just saying, “I’m from KY and I have a brother”(my expectation) He told me about his parents divorce, how his mom was never around and that he was raised by his dad. I remember having a million thoughts as he told his story- I wondered If she had a substance abuse or addiction problem like mine, or maybe he wasn’t sure Bc he’s never caught her in the act or he couldn’t be sure Bc she refused to admit it. Besides, it’s easier to ignore, ya know? As he started to wrap up his story I knew it was almost time for me to start mine. I somehow knew my standard response of “I have 4 older brothers” and changing the subject wasn’t going to work this time.. or rather this was the first time in my life I felt safe enough and wanted to share. I remember thinking, I barely know this guy, so what if I tell him my story and secrets? He doesn’t know anyone that I know. I could easily never talk to him again and I’d be right where I’ve always been- protected Bc no one else would know. So I did it, I shared my story, or at least more than I had ever shared with anyone. We spent most of the night talking about how neither of us have a relationship with our mom. Might sound like a depressing convo to you, but it was the first time I could talk about it freely and not feel judged, pity or shame. It was absolutely liberating! It was the first step to embracing my past, to embracing ACEs.


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Devastating. It you've had just one minute or a lifetime full of real family drama this will get you to vulnerable in 5 minutes and completely raw and enveloped in 15. It's original, real, authentic and powerful. Sometimes you need your soul stirred to settle the past and land in the future. Still reeling from it 24 hours later... @intimantheatre playing until March 25.
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#intimantheatre #intiman #boldtheatre #seattle #familydysfunction #familydinner #familydrama #modernfamily #homecoming #bemoved #bechange #hir #taylormac #seattletheatre @house_of_zeyl @phillipchavira @the_joe_mo


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