It's saying to yourself, "I know the life I'm living is up to me, but I'm just not quite ready to take ownership of all of this right now." It's the uneasy feeling when someone asks what you've been up to & you don't have much to say besides, "Not a lot. Just work..." It's when you realize that while your life may look good on the outside, it doesn't FEEL good on the inside. In fact, it feels pretty dark & heavy. It's being deeply grateful for all that you have but knowing that somewhere, somehow, there's more. So. Much. More. It's the discomfort & dis-ease in your own mind, your body, your soul. The constant craving you have for the peace, passion & balance within. It's going about your everyday life for weeks, months, years, saying "yes, yes, yes" to the people & things that drain you.
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The lingering childhood pain.
The depression. Anxiety. Fear.
The guilt, shame, sadness. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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It's feeling fearful that you know who you are & what you're capable of deep down but you're too damn scared & a little bit lost when it comes to what action to take to BE the incredible person you know you were made to be. That achy, lingering feeling you get from living but never feeling ALIVE & awake. ⠀⠀⠀⠀
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Listen baby. Living a life that doesn't feel good to you is like wearing an old, itchy hand me down sweater that you never liked in the first place. It makes you uncomfortable in your own skin & hesitant to look fear in the eye. It stops you from living a fuck yes life. I get it. I was there. I felt the itch, the discomfort, the desire to hand my life over to someone else & begin again. I wanted a clean slate. Another chance. A fresh start.
That chapter was ugly, dark & lonely... it was also absolutely crucial to my growth, which is why I can confidently tell you this: It’s never too late to become who you really are. A whole new world is on the other side of surrender if you let your pain be the catalyst for change. So release your grip — you’ve outgrown this story. It’s time to write a new one. I’ll be cheering you on, love.