What a long, long journey feeding this girl has been for me. From exclusively pumping, to getting her to nurse, to now — a depleting supply and a broken heart.
The expectations we as mothers place upon ourselves are ridiculous. It’s not fair. I’ve always loved the idea of breastfeeding, and all throughout my pregnancy, I read every book on nursing that I could get my hands on. I created this expectation for myself, my body, and my baby. Not once did I think I would struggle — yeah, it would be tough for awhile, but then I would be one of those graceful women nursing in a field of wildflowers and it would be beautiful and perfect.
Then, my girl decided to come four weeks early, and after 11 days in the NICU, she wouldn’t latch. After two and a half months of exclusively pumping (you pumping mamas are HEROES), she latched! And now, seven months in, my supply is gone. Just... gone. I’ve read all the articles and tips (and eaten so much oatmeal I’m pretty sure I’m a Quaker now) and yet, still nothing.
Over the past few weeks, I’ve felt like a failure - not only as a mother, but as a woman.
I’ve prayed - prayed hard - that my body would produce enough for her, and God answered by simply giving me peace. Complete and utter peace.
My worth as a mom and as a woman is not found on my body and what it can do, but it’s found in Him alone. So, Mama, whether you exclusively nurse, or pump, or formula feed, or a combination of any of the above, hear me: you are one heck of a mom. And woman. Your baby is getting fed. Your baby is thriving, growing, becoming themselves, and it’s beautiful. Every stinking ounce of any of it. Remember that.