I received a picture from my ex husband of his new born baby last night. I went to look at pictures of him to see the resemblance, looking at the photos of him and I suddenly bought up emotions.
It is a strange feeling; he was my husband and my best friend for almost 9 years, I shared everything with him, all the memories and love and suddenly life is oh so different than it was before. Now he has a family. When we split up it was not on bad terms, I know we still share so much love, we were just destined on different paths and sometimes that makes it even harder.
This interaction bought up other feelings for me, the feeling of not being with someone and missing certain things that a relationship brings, a cuddle in bed, a kiss, the touch of another’s skin, the intimacy and presence they hold for you. This all came up for me because I am currently single.
I had been in a relationship with someone for 6 months and I finished it recently that because I was staying in it because it was convenient, he was nice, and he treated me well, it felt good but was it what I really wanted, did he align with my values and my vision of the world? The answer was no, and I am at a place in my life where I do not want to settle, I have worked so damn hard on myself and pushed through so much to get to where I am that I know I can call in what I want.
Yes I miss the intimacy, the deep connection but I have also worked so hard on my own self love, my independence and regaining such a powerful connection with myself that I want to call in something that matches me on my journey. I do not want a baby; I do not want to be living in a small town in the middle of the UK. I want to be living a free, adventurous, unpredictable life filled with growth, expansion and to continue to connect with amazing people on the same journey.
I know it is ok for me to not be ok right now. I believe we should feel things fully and then reach for a higher thought. Positive thinking is great but only if we authentically feel it. Feel what you are going through fully then reach for a higher thought, it is part of living a full life #feellife #livelifetothefull #livelifenow