I dreamed last night of a man I knew a few years ago. We were friends, and I could have loved him. But misunderstandings led to misinterpretations of each other’s intentions and “we” never materialized beyond friendship.
In the dream, I was lying in a bed with him, completely unclothed.
We were having a deep, intelligent conversation. And there we were living sensually, intellectually and as natural as the day we were born.
I kept getting pulled into my head over how natural it felt to be having this conversation with him, completely naked, amazed that for long stretches of time, my body was not being objectified and I was not feeling self conscious about lying there completely naked.
At times, when I got pulled into my ego, I would think the mean thoughts I was taught women are supposed to think long ago by society, the women in my family. “Oh god, how can you lie here so comfortable, how can he even be attracted to you right now? How can he not be running away in disgust!”
The old voices I don’t pay much attention to anymore, kept threatening.
And then his voice would bring me back in to the conversation. He wasn’t even looking at or ogling my body. He was just there with me, engaging, sharing thoughts. “I really like this person. I never realized this side of him. “ I thought to myself as I studied his face as it lit up with passion about what he was discussing. Enjoying the soul of him, bare, that danced across his face as he shared the things that fascinated him.
I kept breathing and letting go. Wanting to clamp up and cover up...then relaxing into his total non-chalance and acceptance. Both of us there, connecting. As simple as two human beings with nothing to hide, bare hearted and present.
Nothing to defend. Nothing to protect.
I woke up and walked out into a women’s gathering at my home. Women moaning, releasing body & sensual shame.
Hoping to be free of these chains the world put on us long ago. Fighting to be naked.
I’ll never forget that dream. Because when I woke up I realized: I don’t need to change anything about my body, make it thinner, tighter, prettier.
I just need to be naked & be with those who won’t have me any other way.
Temple of Olympian Zeus, Athens