I had never been a “#quitter.” This label was tough to swallow. When I moved to college and joined the women’s rowing team, I thought I had found my perfect fit. Despite this, something was wrong. I couldn’t identify or name it, but I was losing #control.
Fast forward to junior year, I knew that I was unhappy, stressed out, and chronically exhausted, so I made the decision to leave the team. I told myself that everything would “automatically get better.” At that time in my life, I was running on empty and living life on autopilot; I was completely out of touch with my #mind and #body. I talk about my experiences in the present tense, because I am a work in progress.
I #struggle with #anxiety: I had convinced myself that extreme #stress, inability to sleep, and #restrictive eating was all part of being an athlete. Today, I can confidently acknowledge that I have anxiety, and I am learning how to #thrive and #cope with this challenge.
I am dependent on #exercise: Despite my drive to be a great athlete, I reached a point in college when my body image became more important than my #physical performance. I still find so much satisfaction in exercise and crave it daily, but I am working on finding the best #balance for my body and mind.
For so long, I lived with perfect structure, leaving no room for flexibility or intuitive decision making. I trained myself not to feel. I acknowledge the notable toll that athletics have taken on my #mental and physical #health.
Where am I now? Trying to find balance in my life. I hope that one day I can speak about my experiences in the past tense, but in the meantime, I will continue to share my story in the hopes that I encourage someone else to do the same.
#phd #phdlife #phdchat #strongertogether