Those who know me well know that I absolutely HATE talking about being sick publicly and on social media. For one thing, when you live with a chronic illness that dictates a big part of your life, you really don’t want it to dictate your conversation, too. And also, I guess I’m afraid people will think I’m being sensational or looking for attention...and I’m not, I promise. I have my faith in God, and I have the BEST husband and friends, and honestly I don’t think I could possibly feel more loved or supported through this than I do.
But by the same token, this is an account I created separately from my personal one to talk about health, food and lifestyle and I want to make sure I’m being honest...and maybe encourage someone else who’s struggling with chronic illness.
So here’s real life: today I slept restlessly til 10am, then woke up with a crushing headache, extreme pain all over, a low grade fever (again) and feeling like my body had been through a war. So I took my medications and then laid here in bed for 2 whole hours, feeling 1000% fatigued, but unable to sleep, all the while trying to muster up the energy to drag myself into the kitchen and make some coffee. (I mean you know it’s bad when even coffee isn’t incentive to get out of bed. ) Now here it is, 12:40pm, and I’m sitting here - still in my bathrobe - drinking that cup of coffee I just made.
A year ago, this type of scenario made me so upset. I would feel so defeated and spend so much time beating myself up for not being able to do more, for not being able to fight through the sickness. But today it’s different. Today I look on it as an accomplishment - like yeah, I felt absolutely horrible, but I still got up and made myself coffee!! And you know what, if that’s the most productive thing I can do today...that is OK!! It doesn’t mean I’m not fighting my illness- I think today I’m fighting it harder than I ever have been. But I’m also learning to come to peace with the process and shift my mindset and thinking to a more positive view, and celebrate as victories things that I once would have seen as things to be hated. And you know what-it really changes things.
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