As I scroll through my social media today I see dozens of my friends excited about the brand new workout debuting today. I'm also excited overall, but my brain doesn't know how to show it today.
So many guys brush off crankiness and tears to being "just PMS". I know that PMS is my issue today since nothing is actually wrong, but for me, it's extreme. Each month I have 3-4 days where I honestly just know I have to survive. I don't get weepy, I get crippling depression with zero will to do anything other than breathe. There is no escape with sleep because the nightmares are worse than the awake sadness. Today I read the girls a book and became overwhelmingly jealous of Amelia Earhart for being able to go somewhere by her damn self. The level of irrational thoughts is exhausting and the fear of this never ending is suffocating.
I've seen people in crisis revert back to their original language or the habits of their youth. I'm no different. I have Proverbs 31:10 stuck in my head.
On days like today I don't want to talk to anyone, but that's not an option anymore. I have an entire team of people who are depending on me to get them started and keep them on their journey to health and I don't get to stop just because I don't feel like doing it today. Last week I earned the rank of "Ruby Coach", but that's just a stepping stone and I'm already practicing my speeches that I'm going to give at our conferences one day. To get there, I need to be much more than a Ruby. To get there, I need to be consistent, honest about MY workouts and eating (and drinking), and give my team all of the transparency and virtue that they deserve.
I escaped a cult. I finished my workout. I drank my shake. Today, those were all equally as hard for me, but we're the strong ones, and you can't break us.
#overcominghomeschoolheather #faraboverubies #rubycoach #amilliondreams #pms #depressionsucks #sweatingthroughthetears #pushupsnotpillows #shelooksokontheoutside #virtouswoman