I used to convict myself for not willing to handle certain situations & personalities. I told myself: „You‘ve turned into an anti-social asshole. Change it!“ But I failed. And I‘m quite happy about that. Earlier I desperately tried to live in love, peace & harmony with everyone. Even with people who simply pissed me off. I gave second, third, fourth chances & let others subsist on my own batteries... cause „That‘s the spirit“. Is it?
After some years of struggeling, I‘ve somehow stopped trying to conform. I‘ve drastically decreased the number of pple I let close to my heart. I‘ve started to express my view although I knew, this was going to end in an awkward situation or even a heavy discussion. And I really hate(d) discussing. I’ve started to get annoyed by certain persons preeetty fast and simply c o u l d n o t manage to hide that feeling. „You‘ve turned into a real asshole“ I told myself. I really wanted to turn back into that nice&easy girl, always in good mood, smiling & friends with everybody. Fail.
BUT FINALLY I can say: No, that‘s fucking not the spirit. You‘re not an asshole - you’ve simply got selective & there’s absolutely no need to feel sorry for protecting yourself. Sounds pretty clear, I know. But what’s quite natural for others was a pretty hard knock way of realization for me. And sometimes I still fail.
But hell yeah, time heals! Thanks to @sarcasm_only for calling a spade a spade.