So, it's Eating Disorder Awareness Week. I haven't shared my story with many people, but here's the gist.
Within this past year, I've come to accept my hardships and my struggles and learn to grow from them. I've began to look past my disorders and try to be healthy and provide for the baby growing inside of me.
I've struggled with Anorexia, Bulimia, and Binge Eating Disorder, along with Suicidal Depression. For many years, I have suffered with horrible body image, and an endless cycle of not eating for days to binge eating and purging. I worked out for 2+ hours every night after working 12 hour shifts (and barely eating during those shifts). It came to the point where I had both my legs give out on me when I ran on the treadmill at the dead midnight gym and limped my way back to the car to drive back home. It was an obsession - weighing myself every single day, emptying my bladder out every drop, and dehydrating myself just to see the numbers lessen. I hated myself, and knew what I was doing, but I couldn't stop.
I will always have the self-hate deep down in me. I will always somehow battle with my body image, and view myself in the worst ways. I will always suffer from these disorders, BUT I will always try my hardest to be my best self. Not for me, but for my son.
If there is anyone who needs help, or is going through anything similar, please reach out to me. I know what it's like to be in denial and to not accept the help that's offered, but accepting the fact that there is something wrong, is the biggest step there is. #eatingdisorderawarenessweek