The end of the year always feels like a push. I want to be content, but have a chronic sense of dissatisfaction, and fluctuate in feeling that either this dissatisfaction is my motivating force or that it is holding me back. I know a balance can exist between the two; a person can crave success and still marinade in a moment and be proud of small accomplishments along the way, so I guess I’m trying to find what that balance means for me. we all need a lil extra inner peace sometimes
WOW five years ago yesterday, I packed my ‘97 Toyota Camry up and drove to LA. It’s been an insane five years. Here’s a tiny eighteen year old American Apparel me on a roof. I have to remind myself sometimes that this little tiny me would be proud of little tiny me today. Just. Keep. Going.
World mental health day I’ve struggled with anxiety for as long as I can remember. It reached its peak when I was about fourteen and could not leave the house without having severe panic attacks; going to school or to the grocery store felt nearly impossible. I tried medication, therapy, and finally hypnotherapy to feel somewhat normal. I’m not entirely sure what helped me find my equilibrium again, but slowly I was able to leave the house more and think less about dying or becoming violently ill and having to go to the hospital every second. I still check my pulse constantly as some kind of nervous reaction and have a massive phobia of vomit that causes me intense anxiety in many social situations, but I know how to manage it so much better now. I still spend quite a few days feeling like my world is ending or I’m not good enough and let those thoughts dictate my reality, but I have to remind myself there’s always a new and better day ahead. Nothing (NOTHING!!!) is more important than my own and your own happiness. I’ve found my own little sanctuary of happiness in weightlifting and exercise and playing oboe again and encourage you to find your own little part of you day that is just for you. You are good enough! You are great and beautiful and worthy and you deserve to drown out the voice in your head that says anything otherwise, and fill that space with warmth. It’s okay to be vulnerable, it’s alright to cry, it’s alright to ask for help. You are worth it and you are loved.
come to @space15twenty tonight and get Like A Woman on vinyl I'll sign it for u and say hi if u want. You can also get it at shop.kacyhill.com if you can't make tonight. (There's only a few in store here so grab em and DM me if u want one after... I'll find u)