When that child is screaming that they want to go outside but they haven’t cleaned their room or they are slamming doors and toys, they maybe in need of correction.
Before we engage with them, it needs to be on terms where both parents and children are able to think and speak clearly. Once this child has calmed the mom sits with them, we can continue a short two-way conversation with the goals:
1) to allow them to feel heard, and
2) resolve the issue at hand.
This is how this played out in my house last week with one of my older children.
Kiddo: I wanted to go to the library.
Mom: I am sorry, you are not dressed for the library.
Kiddo: Fine! You never let me do anything I want! I guess I just won’t be able to read any books today and then I will be behind in school. Just because you won’t let me read anything!
Mom: I hear you, Kiddo, and your words are very loud. I am going to sit here with you until you are calm and ready to speak with respect.
Kiddo: But Mommmmm!
Mom: Calm and with respect
Kiddo: I am readdddddddyyyyy!
Mom: Calm and with respect. (Soft tone)
Kiddo: (4 minutes later) okay, I am ready. Sorry for yelling. I know I am not dressed right but I don’t have anything to read and I really wanted something for this afternoon.
Mom: Sure! I understand that you want to read a new book. After that response earlier, I can’t take you to the library but let’s take a look together on the bookcase.
Kiddo: Yes, ma’am. (Disappointment but no disrespect.)