It's weird how memory works. It can be so unreliable sometimes and then there are the days scarified into us... I hate 9/11. A paged turned that day. I can't stand the sound of helicopters, I hate that these images remind me of holding my beautiful son, on the most beautiful day, in our beautiful apartment in the village, my oldest brother rushing to keep me company, my younger brother and his wife and kids, racing to get over the bridge back to their houses from day care before the city shut down all access in or out. Our friend Ray, racing by us on 10th street to get his car, to drive his wife and new baby away from the horrible caustic smoke filling downtown. He shouted over his shoulder "I am getting them out. Go Susan, get out of here."
I can understand how people live through wars not wanting to talk about it. It's too much. There is so much in the sorrow, of things huge and things so tiny and personal. For me it is a stream:
Velvet chair News flash
The scene on 5th Avenue from my windows
The sirens of doomed responders. Heroes. How big and empty the apartment felt alone with Boomer there, Terrified.
But mostly, still hot on me now in 2017, the tiny tight grip of my one year old baby. As we stood in the parlor floor window. As we raced to the market for supplies. My dad said from quiet September Chappaquick, get the baby everything he needs, get water, get food.
So I did. More good soldier, then good mother, following orders. I ran with him in my arms, east down 10th street, past people standing in the street crying, holding each other, looking South, and as I took the turn, Boomer and I both looked where they were all looking, just in time to see the second elegant tower give up. It still staggers me.
God I hate this day. But I love you New York. You I will defend to the death.
I also want to remind everyone that our lives are all tied together by that feeling of a tiny hand holding on. That is our ultimate connection. We have all been through too much together to not work out our differences with more dignity. Maybe today's the day we shift a bit, elevate the view, for the collective good of all of us. #9/11 #iny