#CantMakeThisShitUp

Instagram photos and videos

#cantmakethisshitup#lolbutsoserious#dating#datingdos#justno#datingdiariesofasinglefemale#datingdiaries#nopestayingsingle#ummmjustno#datingdonts#datingadventures#datingisanHBOcomedyseries#singlenotdesperate#onlineprofiledosanddonts#single#onlinedating#CantMakeThisShitUp#ctfu#hilarious#cantmakethisup#jamesgunn

Hashtags #CantMakeThisShitUp for Instagram

My face as I watch a passenger try to shove their luggage in a bin, when I already said it clearly wonโ€™t fit ๐Ÿ˜’#confessionsofaflightattendant #reallifecommonsenseoutthewindow #cantmakethisshitup


6

When you have an absolutely shitty EMR at work, attempt you try to find a generic testicular surgery to add to a chart and these are the options you get.
Seriously, relocation to thigh but no "testicular surgery"? #๐Ÿคฆโ€โ™€๏ธ #cma #emr #certifiedmedicalassistant #healthcare #lordgivemestrength #cantmakethisshitup #crappyemr


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Going to write my dog and tell him mike caught his 1st fish ๐ŸŽฃ he loves to hear shit like that, if you know my ace write him a letter #grovepound #mgb #myrtlegroveOg #gonebutnotforgotten #cantmakethisshitup


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Things that come up when you search for "baby robes"... #amazon #amazonprime #uhhh #keywordsearch #closebutnotquite #cantmakethisshitup #mondaysbelike


1

The Look On Your Face When Your Super Uncultured Uber Driver Got ALL THE FUCKING WINDOWS UP, Blowing Freezing Cold Recirculated Air With A Dollar Store Fan Freshener On Wide Open!!๐Ÿค” Then This MUTHAFUCKA KEEP LETTING OUT "SBD" FARTS EVERY 10-15 Min, THAT SMELL LIKE DECOMPOSING HUMMIS AND CAMEL HOOF TOE JAM!!๐Ÿ˜ณ๐Ÿ˜ฌ๐Ÿ˜ท๐Ÿ’ฉ BEEN IN THIS BITCH RIDE SINCE 2:05PM, IT'S 10
MINUTES AFTER 3PM, AND I AIN'T TO THE GOT DAMN BRIDGE YET!!๐Ÿ–•๐Ÿ–•๐Ÿ‘Ž๐Ÿ‘Ž SO I CRACK THE WINDOW, THIS BITCH ASK ME TO ROLL IT UP TO KEEP THE CAR COOL?? WITEF!?? I WENT HAM ON NADAHL!!๐Ÿ˜ˆ๐Ÿ˜ˆ๐Ÿ˜ฅ I SAID "CHECK THIS SHIT OUT NADAHL RAHMIN!"!! AIN'T NO FUCKING WAY YOU THINK IM GONE ACTUALLY PAY YOU TO RIDE WITH ALL THE WAY BACK TO THE EAST, IN RUSH HOUR TRAFFIC, WITH FAKE DOLLAR STORE AIR FRESHENER OVERLOAD AND YOU HOT BOXING LEBANESE LUNCH FARTS MY NIGGA!!??,SO I FIRED UP MY VAPE ON HIS BITCH ASS!๐Ÿ‘Š๐Ÿ‘Š๐Ÿ–•๐Ÿ–•
#vampirestudiolife
#FUCKYOURUBER
#FRFR #GMFU
#cantmakethisshitup


8

After a long day at work I stopped by McDonaldโ€™s on the way home (donโ€™t judge me) as I was sitting in line I was thinking about how I had been part of three negative conversations today. Not that I was in a bad mood or that they even effected me, but the fact that I could have tried harder to steer the conversations in a more positive way. In my profession itโ€™s important to let people vent sometimes, but I also feel like itโ€™s my responsibility to add positivity to peoples lives aaaaand to my own. As I was thinking about this I waved the person next to me ahead like I have a million times in the past with out even thinking about it. We smiled at each other and she pulled ahead. I got up to the window where the cashier informed me that the lady ahead of me had already paid for my meal. I sat there in wonderment about how positivity is so contagious and instantaneous. I opened my meal and busted up laughing. It wasnโ€™t even what I ordered. I shook my head and thanked karma for my reality check. #stillateit
#checkyourself #winsomelosesome #cantmakethisshitup #karmaaintnobitch


3

Go home to visit friends & fam and end up meeting Alan Jackson, putting on a concert and midnight horseback riding at the hunt club. #doingbigthings #gatedcommunity #untilnexttime #longoverdue #newandoldfriends #cantmakethisshitup


3

This idea/plan is hilarious ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚. No how you feel about this administration it will go down in history as the funniest that ever was. Everything about it sounds like a movie spoof lol #cantmakethisshitup #cantmakethisup


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Tell me I'm lying ๐Ÿ˜‚ #cantmakethisshitup #gonelearntoday


12

Hey Moooommmmaa!

I moved everything off the big counter and put up a Zombie trap so jo zombies can't get your stuff.

You can put it back in three weeks when the sun comes up.

Ummm. Nice try. How about tonight when you go to bed... #LiveUncommon #UncommonToddler #TheNugget #Seriously #CantMakeThisShitUp #LoveHer #AlwaysAnAdventure #MiniMe


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... i passed an ant and felt victorious...had a giddy-up in my step...not sure if it was the humidity or #metallica ainโ€™t my bitch getting me through a few blocks...either way...sign letting me know iโ€™ve been going the wrong way this whole time, the #polkaholics and naturally...a dual between peels...
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#thatsbananas #bananas #bananapeels #๐ŸŒ #cantmakethisshitup #humidaf #guts #letsgo #chicagomarathon #chimarathon #chicagomarathon2018 #runnersworld #marathon2018 #marathontraining #runninggirl #mychicagomarathon #marathongirl #run #running #runchicago #chicagorunner #runnersofinstagram


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๐Ÿ˜ sure can't #cantmakethisshitup #mylife


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We realized that we needed special permits to enter the Indian state of Sikkim the morning of arrival. Luckily, we found a restaurant/passport shop and got these glamor shots with red backgrounds. While these were printing, a bird shit on my head.... ๐Ÿฆ


5

When u run into a friend from back home in DR๐Ÿ˜...I think I would run into niggas if I took a trip to the moon๐Ÿ˜‚ #doneoff #vacation #yolo #livelife #itsasmallworld #hadablast #resortlife #cantmakethisshitup #


0

Was Edward Hatch, a Civil War General from the 1800's reincarnated as Scott Disick?! Look at the resemblance!! ๐Ÿ˜ฑ #reincarnation #scottdisick @letthelordbewithyou #cantmakethisshitup #freakyaf #twinning #keepingupwiththekardashians


0

Some people are really serious about going green! #sunflowersfordays #cantmakethisshitup


1

So when you're talking to your friend @stillymike about the bass player from Ween..."Dave, I can't remember his last name" & he's standing next to you. After confirming that, yes, people always say he looks like the bass player from Ween & hands you his pick, so that you don't forget his name next time. Oh life!
DOH! ๐Ÿ˜‚
#jrad #ween #davedreiwitz #cantmakethisshitup #eleveneleven


8

This has been such an unfathomable, intense, yet beautiful week. Iโ€™m still trying to wrap my brain around it all.
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5 years ago, I donated my eggs to an anonymous family in New Zealand who went on to have two gorgeous little humans. This week, Iโ€™ve held them both in my arms while we swam in the ocean and played for hours. Iโ€™ve listened to their adorable little kiwi accents and watched them interact with their parents. I never in a million years thought Iโ€™d know them or have any relationship with them, but here we are today. You canโ€™t make this stuff up. ๐Ÿ’“ Thoughts and emotions are still in flux, but Iโ€™m sure Iโ€™ll be able to articulate it all one day. For now, Iโ€™ve realized life is just a crazy, unexpected, perfectly imperfect mystery that unfolds one day at a time. Iโ€™m just along for the ride. ๐ŸŒŠ๐Ÿ”ฎโœจโ˜€๏ธ
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#iamwellandgood #realtalk #cantmakethisshitup #eggdonor #eggdonationrocks


77

๐ŸคฃBut it takes all kinds of people to keep the world interesting I suppose #cantmakethisshitup #peoplearecrazy


4

Did you guys know that alligators like marshmallows!!!!?!!! I found that out when I got to hold a baby #alligator ๐ŸŠ teehee. Got hella bruises from 6 gangster crackheads tryna break up the fist fight between my sisters and me. But don't worry, called the cops and they all dispersed. I now know why they call it Absinthe, bc your mind is absent ยฏ\_(ใƒ„)_/ยฏ OH, got bit by a mf horse for the first time (the biggest bruise on my arm). To make up, we all jumped into the pool at 5am, knowing damn well it was closed. Definitely got kicked out. Also, I wasn't too fond of the #beignets at #CafeDuMonde, smh ๐Ÿคฆ๐Ÿปโ€โ™€๏ธ We got kicked out for sneaking into Marie Laveau's cemetery lol, but it was still a unique experience walking through the tombs (again, the cops were called, but not by me). I got beads on #Bourbon ๐Ÿ˜› and watching EVERYONE in red dresses getting lit for the #RedDressRun charity was the craziest event I ever got to experience. #10/10 would do it all over again ๐Ÿค˜๐Ÿผ #Nola #lifeofadventure #spontaneoustrip #reddressrun #cantmakethisshitup #ReadComments


37

Little windy out.
#nofilter #cantmakethisshitup ๐ŸŒฌ๏ธ๐ŸŒช๏ธ


5

Sharing the chair (that was covered with our stuff) with the person who squatted on it. โ€ข
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#cantmakethisshitup


0

...the sea was angry that day my friend...and so were my getaway stix..woke up knowing i had a long run to do...had some profound pain in my legs...so i stretched got dressed and started to run...found myself wanting to think of more pleasant things so i focused on my diving trips and gearing up for another one...and the pain while there, subsided after a while...and a peel naturally...
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#thatsbananas #bananas #bananapeels #๐ŸŒ #cantmakethisshitup #scubasaturdays #marinamary #throwback #firstlove #morethanarunner #scuba #scubadiving #scubagirl #scubadiver #scubadivinggirl #letsgo #chicagomarathon #chimarathon #chicagomarathon2018 #runnersworld #marathon2018 #marathontraining #mychicagomarathon #marathongirl #run #running #runchicago #chicagorunner #runnersofinstagram


8

This SpaceForce nonsense! It could be a joke but my guess is Trump & cronies make money from it somehow. Letโ€™s feed, house & educate our people before we spend money on this! #ridiculousness #spaceforce #cantmakethisshitup #imissobama


0

Now ain't this some shit ๐Ÿคฆ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚
#maga #hilarious #cantmakethisshitup


2

I canโ€™t even make this shit up! Same kid that asked me what Graffiti is! Me: Sock her ass pooh! Her:Ooohhh๐Ÿคฆ๐Ÿฝโ€โ™€๏ธ#SuburbLife #BlackKidsSayTheDarnestThings #OhLord #CantMakeThisShitUp #MovingBackToTheHood #PoorTinkTink #Clockher๐Ÿ˜‚ #PoorBaby


14

That would be a monkey jockey racing on a dog #cantmakethisshitup


2

fearing the unknown & letting go // I am allowing new stories and identities to assert themselves into fruition. An old ego is dying today and it is so fucking scary to shed her skin! She had a white knuckled grip on all that was comfortable to her. She lived by negative affirmations and paradigms. โ€œI am unloved because I am overweightโ€ โ€œI have no friends because I am forever misunderstoodโ€ โ€œI will be continuously affected and traumatized by my childhood abuseโ€
I saw a quote yesterday that said, โ€œitโ€™s never too late to have a happy childhoodโ€ and it broke my heart out of a cage that I was never aware of. And, instead of a bird, my heart is apparently a bat - searching with sound and vibration to find light, truth, and sustenance.
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After an emotional day of realizing this metaphorical death, I found solace in a field next to the forest (surprise, surprise) and I started playing some Native flute music from my speaker. As the drums starting kicking in, I felt called to dance and shake out old energies from my vessel. This is what traumatized animals do after they experience fight or flight - they shake it out! And let me tell you it WORKS!
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This is when synchronicity swoops in right in front of my face - a bat ๐Ÿฆ‡ flew down from the trees and hovered about a foot away from me. I stood in awe of itโ€™s closeness - I was shocked. And then I continued to move, shake, moan, hum. I was in a trance. Before I knew it, I gazed at the purple sky and saw six bats floating, flying, and swaying with their own choreography. A dance parallel to mine. I knew very strongly that this is my current power animal. Low and behold, after doing a quick check, bats spiritually and shamanically represent death and rebirth. They represent using intuition and clairaudience in order to face fears and move on to the next chapter. A new dawn.
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I am no longer afraid of the night, because I know who I will be come the morning. #synchronicity #cantmakethisshitup #spiritualawakening #myjourney #battotem #batpoweranimal #rebirth #spiritualgrowth #deathinitiation #shamanichealer #rubystarshaman #darkmoon #reflection #lettinggo


2

Thank you sweet baby jeebs thatโ€™s itโ€™s the mother freakin weekend #ERnurselife #talkmeofftheledge #๐Ÿ™„๐Ÿ”ซ๐Ÿ”ซ๐Ÿ”ซ #cantmakethisshitup #wineismyspiritanimal #pizzaismybae #๐Ÿท #๐Ÿ• #bestietime๐Ÿ‘ซ #calmingforce #treehuggermusic #hippieskippy


2

Living in the north country... I present oozeball. #cantmakethisshitup #igotnothing #unique #upstatenewyork #jayny


4

What a great way to end a rather rough week... yes that ๐Ÿ’ฉ and yes he was just groomed and bathed this morning! ๐Ÿคฃ#cantmakethisshitup #isit5oclockyet


6

Well this is all sorts of fucked up. In Mountain View, there is a pregnancy medical clinic called Real Options--sounds like they offer choices, as in pro choice, but it's an anti-abortion clinic. It's next to a business called Hanger Prosthetics and Orthotics. HANGER! And across the street from the real deal, Planned Parenthood. #cantmakethisshitup


6

Programmet till SD:s kulturfestival i Sรถlvesborg รคr en parodi pรฅ sig sjรคlvt. โ€SD - Bevara Sverige fornnordisktโ€


7

๐Ÿ‘จโ€๐Ÿš’๐Ÿ‘จโ€โš•๏ธ๐Ÿฅ


8

The moment the monkeys ๐Ÿ’ realized the margay ๐Ÿฏ had moved in. A cacophony of parakeet, tamarin and puppy ๐Ÿถ calls filled the air. A trio of turkey vultures ๐Ÿฆ… circled us and I may have gotten peed on. #lifeinthejungle #yacumamansanctuary #animalrescue #amazonia #peru #micasatucasa #livinlavidajungla #cantmakethisshitup


0

How is this โ€œcleaningโ€? ๐Ÿ’จ
Stay tuned for the launch of our un-cigarette-like Everywhere Mists. Because cleaning and deodorizing should be safe. #thisisridiculous #cantmakethisshitup #safe #safecleaning #naturalcleaning #organiccleaning #organicessentialoils #organicroomspray #smellgood #smokingsucks #staytuned


4

Shouting HAPPY BIRTHDAY to my ride or die ๐Ÿ’ฏ, the one who I can count on to make bad life choices with me, been there for me thru the ups and downs. No words needed to explain it. Love ya girl ๐ŸŽˆ๐ŸŽ‰๐ŸŽˆ๐ŸŽ‰#216#ranch#shooters#thirstys#40th
#gordan#baegang#doe#italian#wood.
#cantmakethisshitup#bashinondaclair

Next stop ATL!!


4

My #mantra today #areyoufuckingkiddingme ??! My five hour travel time from Hartford back to Nashville became a 13 hour experience with multiple delays...including someone clipping her nails #ew and a 3 hour delay waiting on 60 study abroad students from Belmont coming back from London. Who were rerouted to Nashville to refill and then back to Atlanta to go through customs๐Ÿ˜†๐Ÿ˜ซ #cantmakethisshitup #finallyhome #deltaairlines #longestdayever #blamemothernature


3

@typetwobagger I donโ€™t know what to say. I just got done rolling around on the floor for about 30 minutes. Iโ€™m still dying. #CantMakeThisShitUp


19

๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚ Happy Birthday Eve, baby! #cantmakethisshitup


0

#Miami >>> #LasVegas was a No-Go on @americanair today.
At @iflymia since 4pm. Flight cancelled after toilets broken, flight crew timed out, back at gate, no aircraft, no new flight crew. .
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#nevergoingtoVegas #cantmakethisshitup #travel #Miami #airport #hungry #tired #flyprivate #LasVegas


1

Just got back from doing the grocery shopping. Found this on the wall of a ladie's stall while using the bathroom ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ‘๐Ÿป๐Ÿ˜ #movietitles #cantmakethisshitup #senseofhumor #hilarious #thegodfather #pulpfiction #marypoppins #forrestgump #thegreenmile


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