Wrapped up on my porch, despite the cold.
Thinking a lot.
Have you ever had a friend you're pretty madly in love with, but you keep yourself at a distance in a way FOR YEARS because you dont think you're good enough for them?
Theres this one friend I've had since college (for reference, that was like.. 2011- part of 2013. I've adored this person for... wow holy shit. Like. 6 or 7 years now?
We connected in college amazingly. I'd met someone like me! We bonded over so many things, especially music, alternative fashion, and dead things. And a strange obsession with German doctors.
A falling out happened that led to.. a few years (?) Of pretty much no contact. And even with everything that had happened between us, I still loved them.
We reconnected kinda slow at first. My heart would leap any time their beautiful face showed up on my FB dash. Then we got together and sorted everything out.
It wasnt long before I remembered why I fell for them in the first place.
But we have always maintained pretty seperate lives. Keeping in touch here and there. I wish i were better with it honestly. But.. sometimes you feel like you need to let certain people live their lives. So you stay distant.. even if you dont have to, because your own life appears to be in shambles. Almost as a way of protecting them from your own pain. I dont know if thats stupid or selfish.. but either way I know it's kinda wrong not to stay in touch more.. I dont think they'll ever /not/ have a special place in my heart though.
I'm happy just to even know them.
They'll probably know who they are, if they read this.
And thats okay, in a way, I'm glad I spoke my honest truth.
And if they dont? Well. I still have my sweet little secret to tuck away for safe keeping
#blueeyes #greyeyes #bluehair #purplehair #pinkhair #bluehairedgirls #palegirls #girlswithpiercings #gothgoth #alternativegirls #alternative #gothgirls #goff #nighttimeconfessions #nighttimesmokesesh