I went hiking today and thought about how grateful I am to be alive. I have struggled with depression my entire life and I would lie if I said I never contemplated suicide before.
Coming to terms with death is different for everyone and it’s very personal too. One night I had finally came face to face with death by wanting to kill myself. Before I followed through with it I suddenly realized death was nothing to be scared of, yet I wasn’t ready to die either. I didn’t take my life that night even though every part of me wanted to.
Death is nothing to be afraid of and neither is life. Some season last longer than others and some with be more difficult to get through, but it’s the little moments that help me get through each day. It’s hard to find the good when you have dark, negative thoughts running through your mind, but I promise it will get better.
Depression isn’t something that just goes away. It’s a constant battle every day to fight the urges to hurt myself, or make choices that I know are good for me. Today was one of those days where I caught a glimpse of what it’s like to feel joy and I’m thankful for that.
Whatever you are going through I hope you can find little things to smile about today. Sending all my light and love to you - yours truly, Beni ♡