My struggle with food and my desire to be thin began in 7th grade when I decided I was fat. I remember making a conscious decision to begin restricting what I ate.
The first thing I remember doing was cutting the crusts off my sandwiches. Then it was having just 2 slices of Pizza Hut instead of my usual 4.
This was the time then when travel soccer games became a means for burning calories rather than a fun way to outlet my competitive nature. It was when my obsession with the scale began, too. I always looked forward to my daily weigh-in in my father's closet (that's where the scale was kept). I'd step on and hold my breath, mesmerized each time it spit back a number.
The scale was my Judge. It gave me the data I needed to determine my self-worth for the day.
Seeing the "right number" was such a high! It made me feel so confident. It gave me permission to enjoy my day-- or not. Seeing the "wrong number" would deflate me. Defeat me. And degrade me. On those days, I felt like a failure.
Thus began a cycle of unhealthy thoughts and habits around food and weight that would creep in and out of my life for almost 30 years.
This all started when I was 13 years old. 13.
See that sweet girl in this picture? She looks so happy, but under that smile was the fucked-up belief that she wasn't good enough because she wasn't thin enough. Isn't that beyond sad?
I've been posting pictures of the food I eat almost every day for 6 months. It is a sacred ritual and part of my celebration of my commitment to clean eating. Not because I want to weigh a certain number. Not because I want you to think I'm thin. Not because I believe any longer that food is god.
When I display these photos, I honor a new belief and my reconditioned thinking that food equals nourishment and fuel for this incredible body of mine. (Continued in comments below!) #cleaneating #selfworth #selflove #selfcare #weightlosstransformation #weight #healthyweight #healthylifestyle #letstalk #skinny #thin #fat