I never text back last night before I fell asleep. Ok, I have to get dad at 8:15am from the car place. I have to pay the bills today too. Oh ‘crap’ (edited for social media) today is the 9th-here we go. <--These were my first thoughts upon waking this morning. And then I started reliving a year ago today. The day Mark Smith's soul got to leave this beautiful but messy place and go to our perfect, forever home...a year ago today my best friend died. To be honest, the 9th wasn't the worst day in our journey. There were far uglier, more gut wrenching, flames of hell burning days. Some came before November 9th, 2016 and some came after. But that day changed everything. For the first time in 15 years, I would have to figure stuff out on my own—Without my sounding board, cheerleader or warm body to rest on when the weight of the world got to be too much. For the first time ever I understood that God's plan is THE plan and He is the boss-no matter how hard your work, fight or love (or tell Him that He has got it all wrong). As you can imagine, if you haven't witnessed it in person, life the past year without Mark Smith along with a wavering faith and questionable trust in God and His plan for the Smith sisters and I has been dark and brutal but also light and full of grace. While Mark was sick I would repeat "well God either needs to fix Mark Smith or he is going to have to fix me. Both would be a miracle, but it is going to be way harder to fix me." Spoiler alert, He rose to the occasion and I can tell you with full confidence it is well with my soul. I truly believe we are here to love, suffer and work for the kingdom of heaven. So until it is my turn to take the rocket ship ride down the dark tunnel to the light, that's what I will do-love. suffer. work for the kingdom. repeat.
With that being said, here is glimpse of a few thoughts I have for Mark Smith today- Hey you! It's been a WHOLE year since you left earth. Honestly, time is a weird thing. It feels like it was just yesterday I was having 'the talk' with your unconscious body before I left the room and told Nick I just couldn't do it anymore. (Continued in comments)