Hi everyone 🙂. I’m finally back after a 3 month hiatus. I’d love to say that I’m doing “great” by society’s standards, but the truth is I‘m just doing the best I can every day. Healing, anxiety, depression, PTSD (whatever label you want to put or not put on in it) is really fucking scary. It’s confusing. It’s ugly. It’s lonely, It’s not bath bombs, sunshine and unicorns. It’s going out and laughing with a friend, then coming home and crying in the shower until the water runs cold. It’s finally mustering up the strength to go to the gym, then crying into a semi-stranger’s arms on the gym floor. It’s the exhaustion of feeling anger, guilt, sadness, confusion, helplessness, motivation, lack of motivation, and maybe even happiness all within the same day. It’s the constant flashbacks, reruns and replays - both good and downright scary. It’s holding back your tears in Walmart until you make it back to your car because you don’t want to look like a crazy person having a nervous breakdown while buying potatoes. It’s being initially overwhelmed with support, and then suddenly & completely underwhelmed. It’s taking 2 steps forward one day and 5 step back the next. Ultimately it’s exhausting, draining, confusing, lonely, and sometimes you will question whether you are able to do it anymore. But you wake up the next morning and do it all again, just this time with a teeny bit more strength than the previous day. I’ve learned that some days if the only thing you can manage to do is to survive, than that is a good day in my books 🙂.
With that said, I really appreciate everyone’s support and patience during this time. I was debating NOT posting about this because I was worried I’d come across as unprofessional, but I realized that would be a HUGE disservice to any one struggling with mental health issues, and most importantly a huge disservice to my own healing. Mental health issues do not discriminate and do not make someone less intelligent, less professional, or less hard working - just in the same way having cancer or a broken arm doesn’t 💜 #mentalhealthawareness —