These last couple of months... Embracing the changes in my life; living, learning, growing and taking responsiblity for my actions... These past few months have been such a roller coaster of emotions/feelings. This stupid meme spoke volumes to me. This has been such an eye opening experience. I have lost a lot over the last several weeks/months but I think i finally found myself again and found my "Why". Dont get me wrong I know the journey is just begininng but like everything else in my life I will face it head on and try to enjoy and learn from the lessons along the way moving forward.
This process was extremely painful, and opened my eyes. I forced myself to go back examine and relive memories from the past and look for the lessons in each one of them. There are a hell of a lot of good memories but there are also some brutally/gutwrenching painful ones, those are where I found the lessons to be the most valuable.
This time has allowed me to reflect on some poor decisions and unacceptable behavior. I was reminded that emotions control actions. I allowed my emotions/feelings to invoke a reaction/behavior/outburst, that I never in a million years believed I was capable of.
I unintentionally hurt someone that I cared for more than I ever thought I could. I am sorry just doesn’t cut it. Nonetheless I own it, I acknowledge that no amount of I’m sorry will fix or take back these actions. Believe me when I tell you I am my own worst critic and I have been beating myself up day and night.
Right, wrong or indifferent emotions are a powerful thing! I am working daily to learn and grow from this outburst and trying to make amends to those I hurt. Dont get me wrong I am not proud of some these moments however, I am also so very grateful that some of these events have forced me to stop and look within myself and my actions and try to be the person that I lost along the way.