Marriage is hard. Some of the best couples I know have almost not made it and I’ve been transparent about the fact that we are definitely one of those couples. Blending a family is freaking hard. The emotional pain during those years was molecular, visceral. I cried, literally cried on my knees more times than I can count, to a god I didn’t even believe in to please, please release me from that pain, from my commitment to this man...that no decent human being should endure what I was enduring in the worst of the worst times. (For the record, I share the responsibility...in most cases, it takes two to destroy a marriage) We went to weekly marriage counseling for two solid years. We separated for a short time and had a very real discussion on what divorce would look like...where would he live? Do we keep the house or sell it? What part would I still get to play in the lives of my step-sons that I had raised 24/7 for years up to that point?? It is by the Grace of God that we are here, still together, and stronger and more in love than I could have imagined. I wouldn’t want either of us to relive those bad years but I appreciate what we have together now because of them. .
Not to be a Debbie Downer but I share this because I know we aren’t alone. Often, in these perfect little squares we crop out the ugly, dysfunctional truths and it’s those perfectly cropped squares we measure ourselves against, leaving us feeling inadequate. It’s a lie. We all have our own mess outside these squares so I thought I’d share a bit of ours.