Here’s what I’m noticing. And I’ll use PTSD as an example. But I do believe that what I’m seeing applies to any abusive, traumatic, oppressive dynamic.
In our world, we place the onus on the person with PTSD to get well enough to fit back into this world, the world that—due to the way it’s set up—was likely the cause of the trauma in the first place.
I get it—believe me I do—that we want this person to feel better and “contribute” to life again.
But my question is, “Why are we placing more burden and responsibility and guilt on the victim, who is already dealing with a significant amount of pain, when we should be working more on changing the world/systems that either caused and/or perpetuate the trauma?” The things we need to be changing are people and systems who cause trauma in the first place, the people and systems who fail people once they have experienced trauma and the way in which we respond to trauma.
I read a quote the other day about people holding grudges against you for the harm they have caused you, and my god that is just so damn true.
It’s like we say to people, “Be willing to take the abuse, injustice, etc., and also be willing to be pummeled while you heal, and ALSO be willing to be called weak, a bitch, self-righteous, an asshole, etc. when you speak up about it—either injustice toward you or injustice toward others.
We make the right person wrong, and the wrong person right.
There is nothing wrong and everything right with a person who is angry about injustice, depressed about abuse and anxious about perpetrators of all kinds: in fact, these people who are feeling appropriate and normal feelings in response to these things can lead us toward a whole new world if we allow them.
No more numbing...not even in the form of hyper-positivity. And certainly not in the form of, “I know I caused you harm but I am staying out of it.” The insanity is not the hysterical response: the insanity is in what caused it.