[ #hypersensible ] [ #highlysensitive ]
I still need time to be able to tell you precisely how much my travel changed me (or not) and in which ways.
What I can tell you is that I realised during my travel how much I'm actually anxious and for a long time during those months abroad I felt guilty and ashamed about it. I put so much pressure on my shoulders to "enjoy" it. .
I still feel uncomfortable when people that I meet now tell me that they followed my trip and saw how much I looked happy on the pictures. It is true though but not fully. I haven't been much more happier during my months abroad then in the rest of my life. And I sometimes feel guilty and ashamed about it.
Don't get me wrong, I don't regret at any second the choice I made to leave and I had an incredible time, I got awesome memories of pure joy and happiness (like in the rest of my life btw) but it would be a massive lie to say that I felt super happy every day like people kinda say I was.
So, this #anxiety. Well... Maybe it isn't only anxiety. I've always been an emotional kid and I'm still a very emotional adult. I cry easily, sometimes tears come from nowhere for none obvious reason. I take things personally. I blush every 30sec. I can be really upset by small things, actions/reactions from others. I'm really quickly overwhelmed by my feelings, by too many people around me, too much noise or light, too many things in my head. I think. All the fucking time. I think and overthink every little and big thing. I can be toxic, I can be overwhelming, I can be scary, I can make people feel like I'm too much for them. And for that I'm sorry. But... This is me
I've been trying so hard these past 10 years to change. But I can't, it's how and who I am. And it has some great sides to be as sensitive as I am and be how I am (hopefully 😅)
Now, being 30, I wanna spend the next 10 years living with myself and not against. #Accept every single sensitive part of me that triggers me.
Thanks to you, you, and you, that helped me realise that. Special thanks to @heads_xo that tought me what genuine means, you probably don't remember that moment but I do, very often.
#withlove & #sensitivity,