You know those days when you’re just feeling off. Those days where you say stupid things, do stupid things and just feel everything else but present in your body. I hate those days, not because the feeling in itself is so bad, but because I beat myself up over doing all these so called stupid things. I have no humility with myself in doing mistakes and a part of me just can’t let go of the fear of how people perceive me, and what they think about me.
I know we all have days where we feel off, it’s just that I’m so overly aware of mine. Am I alone in this? I so admire those people who give zero fucks about what others think. Those people who do a mistake, like we all do, but are able to let it go afterwards. Because whats the point of worrying and beating yourself up anyways. You can’t undo it. You can’t change it, and I know that but aaaah it’s do damn hard. Me worrying are wasted time. I’ll never be able to change what’s already done, no matter how many times I go over the relevant conversation or situation in my head. Often times, I’m pretty sure people doesn’t even notice it, it’s just my inner critic and judge that’s in the front of my mind. Or maybe they do, but not in such a dramatic scale I make it up to be.
So not only do I do, and say stupid things from time to time, I also make myself suffer for it. I’m sure everyone experience these things on some level, so I guess the difference lies how you treat yourself in or after those moments. Your capacity to let things go, to not only understand (because I do) but also act as it’s in the past, a past which you cannot change, no matter how hard you try.
A few days ago I taught a class where the intention and theme was self-care, so here I am preaching compassion and kindness towards ourselves while I’m beating myself up for saying stupid things nobody even notices. How can I find humility towards my own being and how can I practice what I preach and give the judge a little less power, a little less votes
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