I've been struggling with writing lately, which I am not sure how to remedy, but @_____halle__ inspired me to share my story again for the first time in years. So here it goes 💕
My eating disorder (ED) began in preschool. It all started with occasionally refusing snack despite being hungry. Due to trauma and unmet needs, I was desperate for control, love and stability. I found a false sense of those things in my ED.
My ED behaviors changed throughout the years but consisted of significant restricting, purging, obsessive calorie counting, extreme anxiety around food, etc.
Along with my ED, I struggled with drugs and drinking daily.
It all became worse in college. I discovered the gym and spent hours a day there, frequently passing out and destroying my body which led to two surgeries and a battle with Orthorexia.
On my birthday in August 2014, I was diagnosed with Colitis and felt like I'd reached rock bottom.
Eventually and reluctantly, I started seeing a therapist and doing EMDR therapy. It changed my life and I would not be here today without that therapist.
In 2016 I gave birth to my daughter. It was an incredible experience, but my ED and postpartum anxiety / depression took a turn for the worse and led me to intensive outpatient treatment.
I've relapsed, moved states and a lot has changed since, but I continue therapy and treatment to this day.
I'm no longer ashamed or afraid to tell my story. It has made me the warrior I am today. 💕
PS: Thank you for reading this far.