These days I have feeling weird, I've had many challenges in terms of food:
One day I accompanied a lady 🤶 her house 🏡 and she invited me to eat 🍽 toooo much (obviously I could not refuse her), it was very mad because I had to eat many things that I didn't enjoy😒; On the other hand, yesterday I went out with my mother and I also ate a lot (although that I did enjoy it); Today I have a barbecue planned with some friends and tomorrow I have another integration where I know what will be a lot of food too.
I'm feeling a bit overwhelmed and tired of all this, it's a weird feeling, I'm tired of eating a lot, but I do not want to stop eating, I'm tired of being hungry, I'm tired of thinking about food and what should or should not eat, I'm tired of thinking about what I've eaten, I'm tired of calculating everything, I'm tired of being so indecisive and delay buying food (while calculating, thinking that if I buy something outside that has many calories "challenging me", that should deserve it then I analyze which one looks more delicious but I also doubt because of the calories it has, the ones I've eaten and the ones I'll eat), I'm tired that after delaying so much analyzing what I buy, that doesn't meet my expectations, I'm tired of thinking that as I am "recovering" I should always eat because this also makes me constantly calculate and think about food, I am tired of having to appear natural when I eat in front of others, although it bothers me to have to eat and I try to leave or hide as much as possible, I am tired of having to give excuses for what I eat or leave, to feel that I must give reasons for my hunger and invent reasons why I do not eat, even if they are a lie (like I'm full or I did not like the food).
It is exasperating because it is as if I am sick of this disease, but also of recovery, I do not know if this means advance or setback, I just know that I am different from how I started and that difference will have some repercussion.🤷🏽
I hope you have understood these strange thoughts 💭 , tell me yours, so I do not feel so weird ... ♦️♦️♦️♦️♦️♦️♦️♦️♦️♦️♦️
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