As much as I love the warmth of summer, nothing comes close to the blissful moment of seeing the first snowfall of the season.
The word to summarize 2019 for me will be Relentless.
2017 was Hope, 2018 was Opportunity, and 2019 presented itself by me thinking I was comfortable and could handle anything, but then showing me a whole new level of challenges all at once.
The past couple weeks alone have been absolutely crazy and have tested me so much emotionally. Many great things have happened - moving from my 1bd apartment to a house with 6 other people (cheap rent = $ for goals), getting a new car, finally buying my dream camera and video gear setup, the dogs being noticeably happier in the new, bigger house and many other happy, little things. Then not so many great things happened, one of them being I was sexually assaulted by my boyfriends family member.
I’m okay, first of all. There was a lot of anger, a lot of crying, confusion, questions, disbelief, frustration, usually all in the same day. It was hard to put a happy smile on at work somedays but I’m grateful I work where I do because all the thoughts would’ve consumed me.
I never thought it would happen to me, heck, my boyfriend and I were on the same couch when it happened. When I felt the most safe.
I’m a shy, sensitive, polite 5’3 and 108 pound person but if I had known at the time what the guy was doing, it would’ve been the first time I ever felt the need to punch someone.
But I refuse to let it consume me. I read a quote while scrolling social media one day that explains how I feel now. “You must forgive those who hurt you, even if whatever they did to you is unforgivable in your mind. You will forgive them not because they deserve to be forgiven, but because you don't want to suffer and hurt yourself every time you remember what they did to you.”
If you are ever in this situation or something similar, you are not alone, your feelings are valid and however you decide to handle everything, it IS the right way. Please don’t feel like you need to do this or do things that way.
Today I am home sick from work. I can tell my body is tired, but I am content.