Jaydee- just stop hiding from it . My soul was aching just to be looked at today & what better way to love myself Than to look at this new body that has just gained 10 lbs in the mirror and tell her she's a boss lady empowered and healing woman who now can love herself enough to utilize healthy coping mechanisms, create boundaries, listen to my soul and choose to, even in teary eyes, tell my changing bod that I'm so very not use to that she is honestly ... such a good enduring woman who straight up loves pumpkin bread and right now peppermint flavored sugar coated whip cream topped coffee. I've intentionally put meat on my bones and more love in my heart for my mom woman bod. This body has endured a lot and has been called things that you cannot fathom & due to that my struggle to gain, even an ounce, was very hard for me to stomach. So.... gaining weight has, in itself, slowly been mentally and emotionally tiring on my soul because every single freaking time I looked in the mirror I could literally pick apart what needed to change, compare with others way too often & feel as though I would never be worthy unless I had the bod to prove it. Every single time I tried to escape my feels and what storm was raging inside of me, my body was the first to suffer and the first to be criticized. The girl on the right worked out for all the wrong reasons & was constantly setting unreachable expectations & was so so tired of trying to please. She felt so so much body shame and guilt and disgust every single time she even would capture one photo like I did today and once she stepped into that space emotionally she began acquiring all the negative thought processes and inability to love self for all she was .... that I still seem to carry at times today... and today I got to LOVE her and talk sense into that and just literally have grace and compassion and truth with myself... for that Jaydee and honor and pride and love that I am able to see the difference in my journey that I've acquired and the truth of the woman I am and my beliefs about myself. Today I worked out and walked into the gym for my soul .... not honestly for my body & in that .... the healing kicked right in.