Sunday is a day for the soul.🕊️ I'm willing to bet, each of us has a running list of reasons we feel slighted by life, hurt by the people should care the most, and wronged by the situations of circumstance.
In the case where our best intentions are misunderstood, anger is easily kindled. These are hard feelings to sit with. A high school friend, Luxi, preached "forgive and forget." ➡️The truth is, "forgive and forget" doesn't lead to real healing.
Most of us, don’t forget. We remember the hurts we’ve experienced, and adjust our behavior in avoidance of pain. When we consciously stay busy to avoid processing the hurt, our intrinsic memory and body takes on the responsibility of remembering. This is when:
🖤parents snap at their toddler for going through a normal developmental stage;
🖤where family gatherings that seem smooth on the surface are boiling with undercurrents of unresolved issues;
🖤where lovers avoid each other in self-protectionism rather than risk being hurt again.
Rather than banish our issues, let's rethink how we heal.
▪️1. Forgetting is not possible. Period. Accepting this allows us to give ourselves permission to properly process the memories.
▪️2. Forgiving takes time. Many people cope by minimizing or ignoring the wound -- let's be honest -- school never taught us how to deal with death, how to love someone, how to repair broken hearts, or how to be kind to ourselves. When it comes to grave hurts, forgiveness has its own timeline. Honoring that, allows us to heal.
▪️3. Healing is possible. Not the kind that lets us get by. Wholesomeness. In a society where people are afraid to apologize because they think it could somehow be used against them (legally or socially), psychologists agree sincere apologies being extremely healing to both the person who apologizes and the person apologized to. In the case of narcissism, where an apology will likely never come, healing starts when you apologize to yourself for shouldering the burden of blame.
Deep stuff for Instagram, I know. But I believe social can be a powerful force of *real connection*, and healing. #WhatILoveAboutSundays