I'm filled with an unknown substance.
It feels overwhelming and it came in an instance.
I'm hit with a possessive feeling.
Everything is spinning,
My mind is reeling.
I can only see you,
But with someone else
Someone who isn't me.
Someone that I'm supposed to be.
Why does it hurt so much?
I cry out for you.
You didn't look,
Almost as if you didn't hear me.. or you just didn't want to. "Stop it",
Clearly in distress and pain.
My insides feel distorted as you let out a laugh.
I scream as I feel you hit another vein.
I can't tell you to not be happy,
And ruin your beautiful friendship.
But it feels like it's more than that,
As I stare at your skinship.
Insecurities build up inside me,
But I can't tell you that.
I can't tell you to stop,
Even if I feel ugly or fat.
I don't care if you hurt me.
I want you to be happy.
I can't tell you this
Because you'll find me controlling and snappy.
No matter what happens to me,
Even if my insides are clawing at you desperately,
I'll just smile at you and... your friend.
Containing my longing jealousy.